Can I be the girl that you met in a coin laundry?

Currently listening to Lisa Mitchell's Coin Laundry

cute eh? my very own Matryoshka doll. Requested this from my parents cuz they went to Russia for the past two weeks.

I need to be inspired to push myself forward. Because with inspiration comes a dream. And dreams will give you the need to accomplish something. To do something that when you look back, you'll smile. You feel the satisfaction. Sometimes dreams are the impossible, but that doesn't matter. They still make you want to move forward.

So when I don't feel inspired, I feel totally lost. As if I don't even know what's the purpose of living. Okay may be you think I am exaggerating, but honestly I think that's how I feel. I become so exhausted with life, and wishing that I am somewhere else. Or maybe doing something else for a living.

I become ungrateful, and starting to blame on the situation.

Okay I admit, I do this all the time. I am one ungrateful bitch. I can't help myself but to think what could have been. On everything; career, love... basically on life.

And to be honest I am still struggling with this new phase. I have mentioned this before, yes?

Up to the point where I felt uninspired. And that's the point where I finally told myself "enough is enough". I know I have to bounce back, and that's the natural thing to do; to bounce when you're at the lowest, because that is the point when you see that a change is needed.

So I tried to stop myself from listening all those sad sappy songs. And starting to generate playlists of happier songs out of the Genius app from iTunes. That thing is a genius alright. Always know what I want to hear in one playlist.

Usually I will start browsing thru the net, looking for cool styles worn by others. But this time, I started to look for cool video clips. I rarely youtube stuff for hours. I found this:

I didn't know The Temper Trap has this. I love this song but I never youtube it so I didn't know there's such a cool clip. This song is a song that I'll dedicate to myself. I know its lame, it should be a guy who'll sing/dedicate me this song. But heck I don't care. I feel that I need to feel in love to make me feel better. And what's important is to fell in love with yourself. I know that I loove to talk about myself a lot, but sometimes I feel that I don't really love myself. How can you love another when you don't love yourself right? ehe.

And this. Got this from Aqilah. Number one, its freaking BRANDON FLOWERS. Number two, this clip makes me want to be Charlize Theron. I love her so much, and I love that she's in this clip! Being the strong woman, the heroine inspire me even more. I wanna be that girl. That strong girl :)

Also, I started to put Sigur Ros' Gobbledigook on repeat. Me love.

I tried to meet people, and find time to drive alone. So that I can sing my lungs out. I know my brother has been commenting that they can know I am home cuz of the loud music. Even the backdoor neighbor can hear. Ah well :P Don't wanna care so much.

I move my feet when I feel like it. I even set a "playlist that make me feel like dancing".

Slowly I feel the positivity. I feel less tired. It has been pretty hectic for several weeks now. Although still busy, things got better. Alhamdulillah. Oh, and I am learning to complain less. I know I have been complaining a lot, up to the point I whine for being a whiner. Been trying to stop, and slowly now I am getting better at this. Tried to talk about random happy stuff now.

Hurm. I can feel the difference. But I know its a loong way to go. Cuz this is a cycle. It'll strike again. I will start screaming and shouting and hating life again. Next is to learn to stop myself from letting it happen.

I must. So I will stop talking about this. I hate being the broken cassette player. Where I keep on repeating stuff.