To be great does not mean you have to dominate others. It means youhave to dominate your own potential.

Back to the year 2003. 

Ten years ago. 

That year, I was in my form 4. That year was the year we have to stream out in school based on our interest.. Or I suppose? So that year was the year I have to decide my career path - or more like the year parents asked us to decide. Some kids decided theirs later. 

But not us. For my parents, we have to decide then, so we can layout our future plans straight away and come to think of it, its easier for them to work things out, to pave the way for us. 

It's so much easier to be firm early. Maybe. 

Well that's what I thought at first. 

Being the ambitious freak then, I laid out mine. I was fifteen and I was so certain. No hesitation, nothing. But apparently, school placed me in science stream; which were the normal thing to do as science stream seem to be a popular option among the students, and I was lucky (?) enough to be placed there. I am not sure why, but that's how things were, or still are. Arts stream apparently were the least popular option, and usually students who go there were not driven enough to choose where do they wanna be. The less motivated bunch I would call them. 

But Arts stream is where I wanted to be. So instead of joining the others making an appeal to be in science stream, I made an appeal to be transferred to Arts stream, particularly the accounting class. In school we call it "sastera ikhtisas". 

To be honest, I don't really know what's ikhtisas meant. Well another honest confession I still don't know what it means now. Ah well. 

I know it's nothing big but it kind of shocked the teachers. I actually had to get my parents to go to school and confirm to appeal. Not sure why, because the class that I want to go was not that crowded, and I think it's an easier option as its less popular. Maybe because of protocol. Kan? However yes, the teachers don't feel like its a good option. 

Sometimes I wonder why people look down on the options that we choose. Just because its less popular you'd think it's not a good option? Who came up with that? But through out my life I do find some people who think accounting is petty, its not important and just an admin job, that somehow they look down on that field. 

Haven't you heard, the one who has control over money is the most influential? Heh okay. That wasn't the reason why I've chosen my path. 

Anyway, one of the teachers who were shocked was actually, the accounting teacher himself. Here's the dramatic part; when he found out he actually followed me while I walked back up to class. Disbelieving what he's heard, and asking himself why. So he tried to stop me to ask me, why? 

In which I turned and says "because that's what I want."

That particular moment was one of the gems of memories that I still keep in mind. It was one of those moments when I feel so certain of myself. 

But how can I be so certain, so confident? 

Through out the 10 years I've gone through since that day I've decided,  I did revisit my thoughts to think things over; have I made the right choice? Why accounting? Is this what I really want? 

I lose that certainty. 

Getting to where I am now, sometimes I see this path I've chosen is like my old love, old flame. Like, at that moment on, I am so sure I want this. But the feeling, the love for it loses over time. Due to... Life? 

But I still wonder if, this is my soul mate. Haha how can I compare like this? If you get what I mean. Like you know. I am not sure if now life has proven we are not meant to be so I should start over, or I'll find my love for it again one day and just carry on? Dah macam old couples pulak, kan?

Well okay I am serious about this. Especially when you're stuck at a cross-road you can't help yourself but to wonder. 

Is this one of those relationships that is destroying me, so I should end it? But how should I start again? 

Maybe I have to ask myself this too, it's actually what my friend asked me yesterday; what do you see yourself in 5-10 years? 

Guess what, I can't answer that now. So I guess that's what I have to find. 

And you know what else do I have to find? The stronger parts of the old me that I've lost in touch with. That girl who was so fearless. Who was so certain in deciding. 

Where is she? 

Written on Tue, Sept 3rd.

One thing is for sure: Regardless of the situation, life goes on.

So I figured, a cross-road wouldn't describe my situation well.
I am instead, at the edge of a jetty.
Thinking,
Should I
Find an empty boat to sail away?
Or should I
Build one myself?
Or should I
Swim?
Or should I
Let myself fall into the ocean, and float on?
Or should I
Wait for a boat to come & hop in?

But, what if I have
Missed the boat?
Or
I don't know how to build one?
Or
There is no boat to begin with?
Or
I am not strong enough to swim, or even, to let myself float?
Not strong enough to fight the current?

Even if I have chosen & make up my mind,
Which way should I go?
Should I
Just let the wind take me?
Or should I
Take control, and go north?
Or should I
Go south instead? Or east, or west?

Where do I begin? How should I begin?

Oh by the way.
Happy Belated Birthday to me. I am 25 for almost 3 weeks now.
How do I feel about being 25?
I don't know.
I don't know how should I feel about it.
Heck, I don't know how should I feel about everything currently.
I just don't know.

If it were easy everyone would do it. This is why get rich quick schemes will never be true. If it was so quick and easy then everyone would be millionaires. Accomplishing great things is hard work, but well worth it.

I know I'm still in the abyss,
And I can't seem to swim up.
All I am doing now is to depend on "my oxygen tank", which I guess in time will be of no use to me anymore,
The oxygen will run out.
So is my time.

Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck.

Blame the GoPro footage, or should I blame my dad for spending too much time in the camera shop?

I was watching the footage of people doing pretty awesome stuff and they carried GoPro camera to capture & record those beautiful moments.

And I was mesmerized, I was pumped. Just by watching them. The urges to start doing them on my own started to kick in. They bring back all those memories of doing them, and dreaming about them.

Maybe, if you have been following me, or if you know me you'll know how much I love to try extreme activities. I dreamt of these things ever since I was little. I remembered, during the time when there's a show where we can write to them on our dreams and they'll make it come true, I've written that I wanted to sky surf.

Obviously I didn't send in, I chickened out. Plus I was like what, 9? That seems almost impossible for me at that point of time.

Anyway.

Alhamdulillah, I am so blessed that I actually got a chance to live in a country where I can try some of them. Sometimes I do wish I am determined enough to collect money and tick off stuff on the list, as many as I can.

Like sky dive, or cliff dive, or just base jumping anywhere. White water rafting, tramping etc.

And you may know how much I love jumping down something. I think its kind of crazy that I do, and I have that urge of re-doing them whenever I jumped once. If only money flows like water in my pocket, I will definitely do a few bungee jumps & canyon swing on that day. Heck, I'll just go on 20,000 ft and jump off an airplane.

There's something about jumping. No, the thrill is not when you fall.

The thrill started when you're at the edge, waiting to jump down. Every time, at that moment I'll look down, and ask myself "Are you insane?". I asked myself that again and again.

And with tawakkal, I stopped thinking about it and I let myself. I jumped. I took that leap of faith.

And when I fall, that moment? I felt so alive. Like I just jump-started myself or something.

Those were the times. Now? All I do is I long for it to happen again.

I mean, I am not talking just about the jump. But also, that thrill of taking that leap of faith. To take the leap of faith to just jump down a base is not that hard as compared to making decisions in my daily life. Maybe because often I end up not getting anything.

But I can't just stop and chicken out, right?

For now I have time to recover. And I am taking my baby steps for this as I am pretty much still confused and unsure of everything. And I have, and I must, gather my strength back.

Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone. Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.

It's all about trying to get myself comfortable in the mud, trying to ignore the smell of smoke/weed, trying to fight for a space where there's not many taller people blocking my view, trying to relax while holding two heavy bags and standing for 3 hours not being able to move my feet a lot

and

trying to hold my tears from running down my cheeks.

It wasn't a comfortable situation but

I still enjoyed every bit of the show. It was magical, awesome. And trying to pinch myself, or ask myself again and again "is this really happening?". Waited for this ever since I found my love for this band back in 2009, and there you go, they came.

Whether closing my eyes to get the feel of the songs, or get myself mesmerized by the visuals - simple yet I can't take my eyes off them. Everything is just so perfect.

It has been a very rough and emotional months, especially during this last quarter of 2012. I've come to a point where I have all of my 2012 nightmares came true. Then at the same time there's quite a number of happier things happened/happening and I am a part of them; including this particular event. Alhamdulillah.

And through out, their songs are some of those essentials which have been accompanying me, thick and thin.

These mixed feelings really stirred up especially when they played Glosoli, Hoppipolla & Meo Bloonasir. Thinking of what I've associated them with - be it people, events, places, wishes & dreams. Wishing for the impossible to come true, though I know it won't.

But I told myself not to cry last night.

I am not really sure why. Although I think it's pretty obvious.

Maybe I need more time.

However. Thank you thank you thank you. Terima kasih. Takk Sigur Ros. 

Thank you for everything. And especially, thank you for last night.  

And Urbanscapes is one of my ultimate getaways of 2012. Although it's only in Padang Astaka, PJ. Let's just leave it at that. 

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

A father was walking to his car, while carrying his baby. When he realised that I wanted his parking, he rushed to the car, berlari-lari anak. And his baby, enjoying that "short jog", laughing and gave a very handsome smile. That smile, took my breath away.

Then, when I was having breakfast, there are two boys, having their breakfast next to my table. I think they're probably 8, 9 years old? They could be brothers, or friends. But the way they were talking to each other, made me realise that you know, how nice it would be to see them growing up, and when they're older they still have those kind of breakfast sessions. That kind of lasting friendship, is sacred.

Half a year has passed. Things aren't getting better, to be honest. Or probably I just can't hide what's obvious anymore. Every single thing is catching up with me. I am now, not just tired of running, but also walking. I don't walk fast anymore. It's getting slower. But I keep on walking.

But you know what keeps me going? Those observations I made - they really made my day. They give me hope. And I'll continue to observe, and take note on how beautiful life is. Then I have my family, I have my friends - just by being with them made me feel stronger. And especially, I have Him to talk to every day.

Another honest confession? I am getting weaker by the day. That, I cannot lie. But I know I won't give up. I'll let life take its course. I believe in Him. And He knows what's best for me.

I have my patience, I have my faith. I won't let them go.

I'll continue living with grace. Or so I hope. Amin.

Maybe this words I said to myself, are all repetitive. Ah, I don't care. I am living in a vicious cycle anyway, so why bother. Saying the same thing to yourself over and over would be a great reminder, yes?

Be vulnerable. Allow yourself to feel, to be open and authentic. Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around you and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad. This is real life. This is how you welcome new opportunities.

I just turned 24 a week ago.

So what's my wish for myself this year?

I wish that I one day I am able to deal with my own feelings. To be able to control my emotions, and express my feelings clearly.

I know I said earlier that I am progressing. But I know I am not really there yet. Hence the aim.
You see, how I express myself is mostly through my actions. Funny, because I talk a lot! but when it comes to all of these? I become dumbfounded. I shut down. I can't even explain myself.

It'll end with communication break downs.

Even worse, sometimes yes I use words, but they're just like layers to hide how I really feel.  This was at first a defense mechanism that I somehow created, and after that, I just can't take it off of me.

So it is safe to say that, most of the times people think they get me? But they actually don't. But I can't explain myself so I will end up getting angry at myself for not being able to tell them how I really feel.

Although yes, actions speaks louder than words. But they won't be as loud if they were not supported by words. If you get what I mean. They still can be misinterpreted as they're vague.

Often I miss out so many chances and opportunities because of this too.

Sometimes I wonder why is it so difficult for me to be in touch with this part of myself. What am I really afraid of? Maybe first I have to find the root of all these problems. And try to find solutions from there.

Slowly I can do this. Because this time? I am tired of being misjudged just because I blew up and make it seem like I'm overreacting. Or tired with the fact that I can't even stand up for myself . I am tired of not being able to confront people.

And especially I am tired of loving someone secretly, which I can only express a little bit that its almost seem like I don't even care or I took them for granted. I am tired of wishing and hoping that one day, him/her will see all of it through the things I do or how I reacted to them. Cuz let's face it, they won't. Even if they do, they will still question my actions as they are still open to interpretation, and pretty much confusing.

Our days are numbered. I don't want to be left behind having the regret of not telling people how much I love them. And I don't want to leave the world with this kind of secret, you know?

So yeah.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only yours.

Before you let go, first you have to accept that you can never have that thing you want.
If it never meant to be yours, then it won't.

It took me a very long time to get that registered in my head. And to accept it? To be honest, I don't know if I have accepted it. I don't think I have.

So now, to find that acceptance. Then I will let go.

One step at a time. O' Allah. Make me strong.

Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

mode.


"20 seconds of insane courage. Embarrassing bravery."

I had my mini-20 seconds of insane courage. By saying yes to something that I am not sure if I actually need or can say yes to. But I did it anyway.

So I am going somewhere. Gonna be away from the hustle & bustle of this concrete jungle, for about 2 weeks? But the first week is a business trip, which means my job is tailing me at the back. Hopefully I get to ditch them for the second week.

Maybe I can do a self-evaluation while I'm away. Like, killing several birds with one stone.

Because I think by getting a change of air might help myself to think more clearly. There's so many reasons why I suddenly say 'yes' to that. Mainly is because I think I need it.

For a week, I keep on contemplating whether or not I should proceed. I know I need it, I want it, but do I deserve it? But right now I am not sure if I deserve it, but I need it so much so that I just have to say yes. I believe it'll help me.

So I better make sure there's an outcome out of all these. I need to start 'scraping' off all that dirt that is blocking my 'view'. Yeah.

Bismillahirrahmanirahim, 

Ya Allah. Permudahkanlah semua urusanku. Amin. 

You cannot change what you refuse to confront.

Found this.
I'm gonna post one reminder each day, or one for each time I wanted to blog. Instead of putting up lyrics. Just for the next 75 posts.

I will post it up in no particular order, most likely will post whichever that I thought I need to be reminded first.

So to start with this one.

I can't quit now, this can't be right, I can't take one more sleepless night, Without you, without you

Currently listening to Glee Cast's Version of Without You 


The problem with myself is that, when I care, I will put on a very high expectation on everything, especially on myself. I expect that I know how to handle things, how to give solutions, how to answer, how to say the right things, how to put a smile on his/her face, how to do everything right. How to make him/her happy.

And because of this, I notice that I tend to ruin everything.

I wish I don't expect too much.

I won't give up on us, Even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up

Currently on repeat: Jason Mraz's I won't give up

Quite a number of my friends have love on their card this year. Alhamdulillah :)
Me? Haha I don't know.

I have a lot to learn. Be it about love, or about myself even.

I'll take baby steps on this.

Things have been pretty rough. It was not a smooth start. But I'll keep on trying. and I'll keep on hoping.

Patience. and Hope. I need them.

I won't give up.

Cause ever if my heart should break, You'd be the best mistake I ever made

and at once I knew I was not magnificent. High above the highway aisle (Jagged vacance, thick with ice), I could see for miles, miles, miles

Currently listening to Bon Iver's Holocene

Maybe a stubborn person like me will learn everything the hard way.

But the thing is, I wonder when will I ever get used to it?

Every time. You'll feel you have hit rock bottom - the lowest of the low, then you stand up. Then you go on. Then you'll stumble again. Then you realize this is the even lower than what you thought "the lowest of the low". So you'll feel like you are drowning... for awhile. Then you somehow find ways to get back up.

Then you go on, only to find that you stumble again in no time. And you'll go even lower.

Ergo I would say, probably, never. Never will I ever get used to it.

p/s: I am definitely clumsy :P

and my knees are weak, and my mouth can't speak. Fell too far this time

Currently playing Sugababes' Too Lost in You

I am twenty three this year. And turning seventeen in 2012. 

Like really.

Maybe I am a really late bloomer.

Secret heart,What are you made of? What are you so afraid of? Could it be Three simple words, Or the fear of being overheard, What's wrong? Let em' in on your secret heart

Currently listening to Feist's Secret Heart

Maybe some won't understand this but I am one of those who love to date myself (Well I am like so in love wei that I just can't get enough of me, so I just have to date myself! haha ookkayyyy...) actually I guess its because I've been spending too much time alone that I enjoy every second of it. I am comfortable with just sitting down somewhere and watch people. Or reading magazines. Or have a meal. Without having anyone to talk to. 

I don't know. Maybe because at times I get tired of expectations from others. To think what you should or should not say, or what you should or should not do. I know especially when I'm comfortable with someone, I tend to just say or do whatever I want. I may sound very boastful when I'm with them, or just simply pure annoying. I can be very mean too. And the worst part is that, I sometimes don't even remember that I did all those. I became too ignorant with the other person's feelings. I came out a bit off. 

So yeah. Its good that I get to do something with zero expectation from anyone. Its all me. 

I can take my own sweet time doing whatever I want. 

Back then when I was still studying, I get to go out alone. I get to have my coffee and read magazine at the coffee shop. I get to do my beading at the bead shop. I get to go out late at night playing with the swing at Queens Wharf. Even at 1am. I get to walk along the wharf to the Oriental Bay at night. I get to sit down and enjoy the surrounding, enjoying the ocean and sink in all my thoughts away. I get to have my Kafee Eis Gelatos, or Wendy's Ice cream in the afternoon. Or brunch at Simply Paris, or my dose of Scopa's hot choc. Or beignet or pies at Sweet Mother's Kitchen. I get to have my picnic at the Botanical Garden and read my book, or write something in my journal. I get to have my sushis at Midland Park and just watch people. 

Sadly I never been to the cinemas alone back there. But I get to do it here so that's fun too. 

Now, I get to do my lunches alone, or my quick-shopping. Or driving alone. Or train rides alone. Sometimes I pay a visit to a bookstore and spend time there browsing. And yes I watched a movie alone, once. But now is different. Now, I do that in between of doing other stuff. Meaning I have to rush. Then I have my parents whom always reminding myself that its dangerous out there. I have their rules to follow by. Know what? I can't watch movies alone anymore. They won't let me. Well I don't blame them. I blame these crazy people who do bad crazy things to others. Psycho freaks and all. When I walk alone too, I'll be paranoid. I'll look around checking out, making sure I'm safe. 

Its not fun anymore. So I want all those alone time back! 

The closest to fun is my time at Little White Cafe. But I rarely go there. I think for this year, I went there alone just twice; once for breakfast and another one for tea. But that's good enough. I felt the contentment after that. So that's good :)

I am not the type who wants to be out all the time. I appreciate time at home too. Even though I have nothing to do, it is still fun. My freedom to me is only that, I get to do things all by myself. Since I have so much limitations, cuz I am still under my parents care, I have to obey them. So I don't have much time to go out. And of course, I'll prioritize meeting people more. With the thought "oh well. I can squeeze in my time alone". So yeah. 

But sometimes, having so much limitations is sickening. Up to the point I wish I have someone who'd wanna do stuff with me all the time. Just one person. Who can synchronize his/her time so we get to do almost everything together. Who can take off the expectations on me, and be with me. Although I am a pain in the ass. Well the problem is that, I am awkward, so I tend to hurt people. I don't know how to deal with them sometimes. So not everyone can stick by me.

Again. I miss my freedom. Le sigh. 

Just another thought. maybe I should start re-defining freedom. Anyway alone time now is very precious now too. Close to not getting any.  And I should be learning to be with others more. then I'll know how to cope with them. Yes? I hate myself for being so awkward sometimes. So I know, I should be doing something about it.

And I can't keep on hurting them. I have to stop. 

It has been a very emotional week.
And the suck-iest part is that, nothing could distract me from it.

No matter what I do, it keeps on coming back to me.

Well thank you self. Now to think of how I can get over it.

Amie, come sit on my wall. Read me the story of O

Currently listening to Damien Rice's Amie

 So they turned 27 yesterday

I realised lately they love to give me advices on love. Also hints on "ey when are you getting a boyfriend huh?". LOL. I get that a lot, from them, brothers, my friends, my parents' friends, neighbors... Even my grandma was like

"Hang bila nak kawen?"

"Tunggu Atok, boipren pon kami tak daq lagi.."

"Hang jangan lupa cari boipren na?"

"...ok :)"

But one of the things I am thankful for is that, they never push me when it comes to this. Maybe mom is trying out new way of hinting - reverse psychology. Like "I think your sister just decided not to marry anyone. Dia nak jadi andartu kot" or "Firdaus, you're gonna have to take care of her. I don't think she's gonna marry anybody" LOL. Still, no pressure. They kept on reminding me that things like these need time. 

Even when I told them that I don't mind match making, or meeting one person and go straight to marriage (mind you! in a joking way okay? :P), my mom will be "NOOO! YOU HAVE TO GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST OKAY?? OKAYY???"

I never really jott down the stuff they told me. Well, I am pretty sure at the back of my mind they're there. Malas nak recall je :P HAHA. One of them is up there. On being friends, really get to know a person before deciding to settle down with the particular person.

Okay la. Here's some

1. Find someone who loves you more than you love him. When you choose someone you love more, the chances are, you'll end up unhappy. 

2. Beauty isn't everything. It'll fade over time. Personality is what you need.. 

3. If he kept on delaying on marrying you, he's more likely to call it off. One thing about men, they're certain when it comes to this. 

4. Don't be so rash into settling down. Marriage is a huugee thing. Often those who decide fast didn't last so long. 

Okayla I can only think of 4 at the moment. Eh, 5 to include the one above. And these are the simple ones, the ones you hear from everyone everywhere, but somehow you remember it more if it comes from your parents. And plus they said the above over and over again. LOL. 

Anyway,

For me, 27 is long. I can't even imagine if I can stand a person for 27 years! LOL okay. Actually it should be this... I can't even imagine if someone can stand me for 27 years! haha. That's more like it. 

And one thing for sure. That I learn something from them and their love story. And I will always remember..

"What ever happens, good or especially, bad, we'll remind each other of the hardship that we have to go through to be together. We've gone through so much, why should we put em all to waste?"

And, something that they didn't say or mention, but I picked up from their stories. I'll remember it too :

Fight for it, if you truly believe he/she is the one for you. Fight for love. 

Well, being in love is a battlefield, no? You have to fight for the crown to be his/hers, and keep on fighting to make sure no other people or situation can take that away from you.

27 years. And they look like the young people in love. Minus the mushy part though. I'd prefer them not to be too PDA-ish in front of us. duh.

I want that you know. After so long, you can feel the love so strong between them. Like they just started to be in love or something. How they have proven most people that they're wrong. Their love is real. And its truly, love.

I love them both so much, and I pray to God that this will last forever. And hope they stay true to their love til the end. Amin. 

Cuz you'll never know what's gonna happen in the future kan. Nauzubillah.

So to you, my dear parents, 

Happy 27th Anniversary

Say goodbye! These days are gone, and we can't keep holding on, When all we need is some relief from these hard times.

I still cannot find the finish line.

Hopefully it'll be just for a while. No time to run away from all this. And now, all I need is Mr Optimism. So one day, I can sing along to that verse.

I love Matchbox20 =)

10 years down the memory lane.

2001: Westlife's Bop Bop Baby

Okay. 2001. I guess most girls are into Westlife at that time. Have to admit, I am one too. It all started when my girlfriends love them so I kinda join in for the fun. Boy bands are really the in-thing back then, and it's back in now yes? Well they are other boy bands too, but I think 2001 is Westlife's year. 

Other than them and the rest of the boybands, actually I am into some other stuff too. Before this, I depended on the radio, and friends. I have not found "the Pandora" yet at that time. And the house is always crowded with brothers friends and my tuition friends. Soo, those other stuff I mentioned are... like LIMP BIZKIT and LINKIN PARK. HAHAH. Seriously, at first I was against Limp Bizkit and all their non-stop swearing but after awhile? I SANG ALONG TO THEIR SONGS TOO. Especially when I'm stressed out. Linkin Park was effing cool, until everyone in the school started to get the hype and go crazy for them. LOL. 

Since their songs are... a bit too loud so I decided not to put them on my list. Heh.

2002: Pink's Don't Let Me Get Me and DJ Sammy (feat Yanou)'s Heaven

Well I must say, 2002 is the year that I can't cope with peer pressure. at all. I remembered the constant crying after fighting with friends and handling with weird accusations, the times I fell sick especially during exams, having trouble getting along with people. Basically that's the year I realized that I am just weird and not everyone can accept me for who I am. Super emo lah kan. booo. 

So especially at that point of time, don't let me get me reflected how messed up I was. Or so I thought.

But school was not all bad. That year too, was the year I had my experience of puppy love. HAHAHA. Shall I relate that to Utada Hikaru's First Love? Believe it or not I made a point to memorized the song! Other than that, I remember singing and rapping to Missy Elliot's Work it, together with Fash. Those were the days. I hated this song at first!

And why Heaven? That's on my NZ TRIP Playlist, together with RHCP's Zephyr Song, and some others that somehow I can't remember :P OK. I've mentioned this before. That's when I fell in love with NZ. During that trip :) The camper van trip. 

2003: Outkast's Hey Ya and Nickelback's Someday

Form 4 was pretty breezy. I had fun most of the times. That's the reason why I chose Hey Ya. LOL who doesn't like that song? Its one awesome happy fun song to sing along to. Kan? Someday... was just because that's the year that I got into liking Nickelback. Chad Kroeger's voice is... superb. And someday is my favourite.

2004: Britney Spears' Toxic and Blink 182's I Miss You

Okay. Some of my schoolmates would notice this - that I made Toxic my anthem. HAHAHA. I sang along to this song every freaking minute of my life at that time. 

Btw couldn't find the original toxic, so the Glee Cast's version will do. I must have this song on my playlist!

And I miss you was the song I dedicated to Preans, my beloved cat who had been living with us for 5 years. When he left, this song was on repeat. 

Other than that, I guess the other stuff worth mentioning here is Franz Ferdinand's songs. That's the year when I fell in love with this band. 

2005: Gorillaz's Dare and Phantom Planet's California

It was supposed to be Feel Good Inc. And Gwen Stefani's What Are You Waiting For?

Why? Because it's my college year and that year was the time of my life! I really go all out in having fun. HAHAHAHA. I loosen up a bit than being this stuck up girl. 

But I couldn't find them in mixpod, So I replaced them with Dare, as this song's has the fun vibe to it too and I LOVE Gorillaz, and California. For I am heavily influenced by the OC. 

Not just the Phantom Planet, I was also into Imogen Heap and Rachael Yamagata. Awesome stuff ok. Other than that I think I am into Dishwalla (as this time I use Pandora a lot), oh, and Padi's Menanti Sebuah Jawaban. 

2006: James Blunt's High and Teddy Geiger's For You I Will

The first year in Uni. Tons of memories, and I chose the two songs because 1. High is my on-repeat song when I first got there. And 2. For You I Will is also, another on-repeat song during the year. Well, the lyrics explains it all. LOL. 

There are some other songs that I think worth mentioning here, such as 30 Seconds to Mars' The Kill as this is my and Palie's raya song. I don't know why we put this on repeat during that time. Weird. MCR's Welcome to the Black Parade was also released that year, and they're awesome. 'Nuff said. 

2007: Coldplay's Fix You and Muse's Starlight

2007 was pretty rough, hard. and eventful. Everything was really fast. I remembered at some points I was beyond happy, and at some other points I hit rock bottom.

But the end of 2007 was... the climax of all. All ended up well - I went to my first concert ever which is Muse (how awesome was that??), hence Starlight was chosen, and I traveled. The NZ south island trip with family & Gold Coast trip with friends. I also did a vacation training, which is one of many reasons how I ended up where I am now.

So I smiled at the end. It was bliss.

2008: Coldplay's Life in Technicolor.

Not gonna elaborate more on this, let's just say starting this year I realized that things got really hard and messy by the day. They never get easier. Well a lot of shitty things happened, as well as the good ones. Learned a lot about many things. Something like that.

And this is the year I graduated. I earned a degree. Alhamdulillah. All paid off :)

Its a colorful year. And I cannot think of any other song than Life in Technicolor. It was on repeat anyway. LOL.

2009: Sigur Ros' Hoppipolla, The Click Five's Empty and MGMT's Kids

This is the "buffering period" year, before the big change. A huge one. I tried my luck to get jobs elsewhere too, hence why I extended my studies. Studies were relaxing, and I spent most of the times thinking of what can I do to make it right. Or at least bearable. 

The year that I have to accept the fact that I am not a kid anymore. Well, I was really terrified to be honest, and I feel empty. Somehow I find comfort in listening to Sigur Ros' songs, especially Hoppipolla. 

Empty & Kids are just currently-on-repeat songs that reflects what I gone through that time.

2010: Muse's Exogenesis Symphony Part III - Redemption  and Snow Patrol's Just Say Yes

In my playlist it was Nicole Scherzinger's rendition of Just Say Yes cuz I can't find Snow Patrol's one. Why the song btw? That song was meant for me to tell myself just say yes to everything I do; No Fear. That year is when a new chapter of life just started. The Muse's song is also relating to the big change part.

I had the best Summer that year however there's no Summer song that I can include. Tak jumpa :|

2011: Florence + The Machine's Dog Days Are Over. 

Well, this explains it. And baru 1st Quarter pon, so I haven't really found my theme song for this year pon. Heh.


Okay I'm done finally. Just noticed that most of the songs are from the Top 40. Well, there's a lot more to all these, which I didn't include. But briefly, these songs I've shared summed up my life.

Here's to the 22 years of life.