Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone. Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.

It's all about trying to get myself comfortable in the mud, trying to ignore the smell of smoke/weed, trying to fight for a space where there's not many taller people blocking my view, trying to relax while holding two heavy bags and standing for 3 hours not being able to move my feet a lot

and

trying to hold my tears from running down my cheeks.

It wasn't a comfortable situation but

I still enjoyed every bit of the show. It was magical, awesome. And trying to pinch myself, or ask myself again and again "is this really happening?". Waited for this ever since I found my love for this band back in 2009, and there you go, they came.

Whether closing my eyes to get the feel of the songs, or get myself mesmerized by the visuals - simple yet I can't take my eyes off them. Everything is just so perfect.

It has been a very rough and emotional months, especially during this last quarter of 2012. I've come to a point where I have all of my 2012 nightmares came true. Then at the same time there's quite a number of happier things happened/happening and I am a part of them; including this particular event. Alhamdulillah.

And through out, their songs are some of those essentials which have been accompanying me, thick and thin.

These mixed feelings really stirred up especially when they played Glosoli, Hoppipolla & Meo Bloonasir. Thinking of what I've associated them with - be it people, events, places, wishes & dreams. Wishing for the impossible to come true, though I know it won't.

But I told myself not to cry last night.

I am not really sure why. Although I think it's pretty obvious.

Maybe I need more time.

However. Thank you thank you thank you. Terima kasih. Takk Sigur Ros. 

Thank you for everything. And especially, thank you for last night.  

And Urbanscapes is one of my ultimate getaways of 2012. Although it's only in Padang Astaka, PJ. Let's just leave it at that. 

Go do, you'll know how to, Just let yourself, fall into landslide

Currently on repeat: Jonsi's Go album

You always know how to carve a smile on my face. A genuine one.

Well thank you, Jonsi.

I am hopeful.

Amin.

I wish that somehow, You’d tell me out aloud, That on that day I’ll be ok, But we’ll never know cause, That’s not the way it works, Help me find my way

Currently listening to Sami Yusuf's Make me Strong
(finally got the full album from a Colleague :D)

While trying out the portable iPod/iPhone speakers using my iPhone, I shuffled and Sigur Ros' Hoppipolla was chosen & played.

My family was like

"cover your ears!" 

 "no! my eyes!!"

"is this the Clarice's death song???" 

Ok somehow this is funny. LOL. Whatever peeps. I don't care and I know Clarice love this song.

One of the firsts picture taken by me, while she was sleeping on my lap. Back in the 2007 - the early stages of getting to know each other. 

Maybe its a bit too much to feel a bit too sad for a cat. While others are battling or have someone (they're very much close with) going through worse. To me, they are a part of my family. I spent time with my cats, and I helped to take care of them so that's how I feel so attached with both Ollie & Clarice.

Now, Clarice is getting worse by the day. She's diagnosed with another deadly virus - the FIP. And this one is more violent to cats than the FeLV - kills the cat faster too. To cut the chase, since yesterday my parents ask us (especially Luqman) to consider euthanasia if she is really suffering but apparently not only Luqman hesitated, the doctor as well. So we are leaving her at the ward for 2 days, and tomorrow will be the day he has to decide.

Well if he can he would take care of her til her last breath. But now we have to take note if 1. she is suffering 2. if Ollie is at risk if she stays. I know its hard, especially for him because of their strong bond. I tell you, even when she calls Luqman is sounded like "Man". When she's playing in the bushes, and heard Luqman calling she'll quickly run to him. I envy Luqman for being her favorite. But what can I do, I missed out 2 years of her life. The time we bonded were only during Summer breaks, and I only become a "recurring character" in her life since last year.

Almost exactly 1 year because I came back home for good on the 16th February 2010. Hurm. Exactly a year I would say.

To be honest, I would love it if she can stay on, but I can't fight Qada and Qadar, and one cannot be selfish. I will pay as much as I can for her medical expenses and leave Luqman for caring (as I am working for almost every day now).

Okay I am talking as if the decision has been made. But looking at her conditions, and what we read in the net, most people ended up putting their cats to sleep. It is all as a matter of whether she is suffering or not.

But what I can do now is to cherish of all memories I have with her - how she made me go insane by spoiling my HDD, how she likes to ignore me but came to get my attention when I was on the phone, or using the laptop, our experience of being roomies and especially - The fact that we both love Sigur Ros.

I am positive that she loves it! When I watched Heima, everyone else is like making fun of me. Well they claim that I have poor and weird taste in music anyway. And Sigur Ros front man Jonsi sang like my cat Ollie. Apparently Clarice came to room and she joined me. Her face was very relaxed and it looked as if she's enjoying the whole Heima experience. LOL. Family thinks that because she understood the song as the frontman sounded like a cat.

And this is what happened at the vet:

DR: Oh, does she has any traumatic experience? Macam accidents ke? -
AAA: Ada2. Must be that band Farah suka and dia pasang haritu kat TV
FM: Ayahhh mana ada!!!

Every time I went to her I'll tell her I love her (I am getting better at expressing now btw :P.. or probably it's easier to say that to animals), although the night before she was sent to the ward I didn't pet her, and that morning too - I didn't drop by to see her before I left for work and that made me regret for not doing so. Now my last time seeing her was the day before.

So I dedicate this post for you Clarice. Also hoping hard that everything will get better. Anything we do its for your best interest. Because we love you.

I'm not really like this... I'm probably plightless

Currently listening to Bon Iver's Blindsided

Despite the fact that I did some less emotional posts just recently, I am still a mess. And I am way behind of my schedule. My schedule of everything; work, study, even life. It's like life is a pause, but not really a pause cuz everyone else is still moving. Which left me, crawling like a turtle. Or maybe, even a turtle can go past me.

Okay this is not supposed to be a sappy post. Well it sounded like one though. The reason why I decided to post up something is so that maybe my brain will work. Today has been very unproductive. Yesterday was way better, at least I did something. Today even the internet decided to slow down. *sigh* Hence why its effing hard to go into my employer's network. ughh I need to do some work!

I also made a playlist which is supposed to help in keeping me awake and maybe boost my mood to concentrate. It contains songs that have lyrics that I can't understand or comprehend (Actually its Sigur Ros lol) so that I won't pay attention to the story of the songs, and some instrumental stuff. Okay and some mellow songs, which can help as well. I think.

Did it help? To be honest, it helps, but a bit. I can stay awake :) But, firstly, I think I lost the playlist, I guess there are too many playlists in my iPod til it cannot take another one. So now I just simply choose whatever I want to listen. Secondly? I tend to get distracted. You know how music can make a still picture become alive & moving?

Okay not literally, you still need your imagination.

While I was studying my mom joined me at the 'meja besaq' area, cuz that is where she paints as well. She's finishing her "pancake rocks" scenery. And when I took my break from staring at the notes, I will watch her paint. I envy her, but that's not the point.  You know how Sigur Ros' songs are always like inspiring, or makes you think about how beautiful life is, how beautiful everything is in this world? Yeah, so thats when I get distracted. Somehow my mind was in NZ. Watching the waves bashing to the rocks. With the beautiful blue sky and puffy clouds. That's when I feel the peaceful-ness. Just me, the waves, the rocks, the coulds and the sky.

Its always like this. Sigur Ros always reminded me of NZ. Maybe its because I listen to them too much. Like how everytime I listen to Hoppipolla and suddenly I feel like I was walking along the Terrace/ walking up to the Botanical Garden/ making my way to Kaffe Eis, or just breathing thru the smell of my room while lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling/ the green outside.

This is the problem when you tend to create the soundtrack of your life. Like Hoppipolla is associated to the year 2009. or Fix You is the song for the year 2007. etc.

I am always distracted. If I turn off these songs, I'll get sleepy.

And to be honest, it's not that easy to concentrate when you have other things to do. I wish I can just spend a day and try to finish whatever I can, but how? if my mom finds out I'll be doomed! I am hoping that I can do that tomorrow. Tonight and tomorrow, so I can study peacefully.

...yeah right.

Better get my life organized before everyone is going to come after me.

Okay just when I have the mood to study, my mom ajak me to go and visit my ex-teacher. She's going off for Hajj.

Alhamdulillah :)

Let's sing into the years, like one

currently listening to: Sigur Ros' All Alright

Damn, I just realized how beautiful this song is. I have too many of their songs in my iPod, so usually I'll just listen without checking what's the title of this one. It's better to hear them separately, so maybe I'll be more interested to know more about each song.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about tonight.

Its just that, this morning, I was driving on the MEX Highway, and as I wanted to go down and enter Bangsar's NPE, I saw this one Calico-colored kitten running at the side of the highway, panicking and didn't know what to do. It was really really small. Probably just weeks old?

I swear, if there's no car on the road, or it wasn't as hectic & fast as this morning, I would just stop the car and grab her. And just drive her to work, and probably bring her home.

After the moments passed, all I can tell myself is to stop thinking about her, and suck it up, and that she will be fine. She will be fine. She will. be. fine.

But I can't stop thinking about her. Especially when there's Clarice sleeping in front of me.

Ah, I really hope I won't see her tomorrow. Lying on the road. Flat out.

T_T

Still bothers me.

Brosandi , Hendumst í hringi , Höldumst í hendur, Allur heimurinn óskýr nema þú stendur

Currently listening to Sigur Ros' Hoppipolla

This band is one of my favorites. I think they are one of the best bands in this whole wide world. Seriously. I don't know if you ever heard of them or their music, well I am pretty sure you have if you're a visitor of my blog. Go and look for Hoppipolla. At first I thought only this song can make me happy, but I was wrong. Actually all of their songs can make you feel good, and better, even if their songs sounded so mellow. Its so relaxing, and I feel so positive after listening to them. Although I can't even understand a word in their songs - sometimes its in Icelandic and sometimes, Hopelandic (language that was made up by them).

Everytime I feel stressed/sad, I will start listening to them. It feels like their songs are like telling me "everything will be fine. everything will be okay". Then its like they gave me some virtual hug and given me this semangat to stay strong and happy. Never fails to lift up the mood.

You should give it a try and see if you agree with me. Really, they're really good.

I love you Sigur Ros :)