One of the firsts picture taken by me, while she was sleeping on my lap. Back in the 2007 - the early stages of getting to know each other. 

Maybe its a bit too much to feel a bit too sad for a cat. While others are battling or have someone (they're very much close with) going through worse. To me, they are a part of my family. I spent time with my cats, and I helped to take care of them so that's how I feel so attached with both Ollie & Clarice.

Now, Clarice is getting worse by the day. She's diagnosed with another deadly virus - the FIP. And this one is more violent to cats than the FeLV - kills the cat faster too. To cut the chase, since yesterday my parents ask us (especially Luqman) to consider euthanasia if she is really suffering but apparently not only Luqman hesitated, the doctor as well. So we are leaving her at the ward for 2 days, and tomorrow will be the day he has to decide.

Well if he can he would take care of her til her last breath. But now we have to take note if 1. she is suffering 2. if Ollie is at risk if she stays. I know its hard, especially for him because of their strong bond. I tell you, even when she calls Luqman is sounded like "Man". When she's playing in the bushes, and heard Luqman calling she'll quickly run to him. I envy Luqman for being her favorite. But what can I do, I missed out 2 years of her life. The time we bonded were only during Summer breaks, and I only become a "recurring character" in her life since last year.

Almost exactly 1 year because I came back home for good on the 16th February 2010. Hurm. Exactly a year I would say.

To be honest, I would love it if she can stay on, but I can't fight Qada and Qadar, and one cannot be selfish. I will pay as much as I can for her medical expenses and leave Luqman for caring (as I am working for almost every day now).

Okay I am talking as if the decision has been made. But looking at her conditions, and what we read in the net, most people ended up putting their cats to sleep. It is all as a matter of whether she is suffering or not.

But what I can do now is to cherish of all memories I have with her - how she made me go insane by spoiling my HDD, how she likes to ignore me but came to get my attention when I was on the phone, or using the laptop, our experience of being roomies and especially - The fact that we both love Sigur Ros.

I am positive that she loves it! When I watched Heima, everyone else is like making fun of me. Well they claim that I have poor and weird taste in music anyway. And Sigur Ros front man Jonsi sang like my cat Ollie. Apparently Clarice came to room and she joined me. Her face was very relaxed and it looked as if she's enjoying the whole Heima experience. LOL. Family thinks that because she understood the song as the frontman sounded like a cat.

And this is what happened at the vet:

DR: Oh, does she has any traumatic experience? Macam accidents ke? -
AAA: Ada2. Must be that band Farah suka and dia pasang haritu kat TV
FM: Ayahhh mana ada!!!

Every time I went to her I'll tell her I love her (I am getting better at expressing now btw :P.. or probably it's easier to say that to animals), although the night before she was sent to the ward I didn't pet her, and that morning too - I didn't drop by to see her before I left for work and that made me regret for not doing so. Now my last time seeing her was the day before.

So I dedicate this post for you Clarice. Also hoping hard that everything will get better. Anything we do its for your best interest. Because we love you.