So we finally put her to sleep. It turns out other than that FeLV virus, she also developed cancer - and its as huge as her heart. Well for a small cat like her, it's highly unlikely for her not to suffer. Luqman made that call. 

Goodbye my dear Clarice - my cat, my roomie. Now if I stretch out in the morning I can't feel the fur at the edge of my feet. I am going to miss you so bad. 

Clarice Love

October 2007 - February 22nd 2011

One of the firsts picture taken by me, while she was sleeping on my lap. Back in the 2007 - the early stages of getting to know each other. 

Maybe its a bit too much to feel a bit too sad for a cat. While others are battling or have someone (they're very much close with) going through worse. To me, they are a part of my family. I spent time with my cats, and I helped to take care of them so that's how I feel so attached with both Ollie & Clarice.

Now, Clarice is getting worse by the day. She's diagnosed with another deadly virus - the FIP. And this one is more violent to cats than the FeLV - kills the cat faster too. To cut the chase, since yesterday my parents ask us (especially Luqman) to consider euthanasia if she is really suffering but apparently not only Luqman hesitated, the doctor as well. So we are leaving her at the ward for 2 days, and tomorrow will be the day he has to decide.

Well if he can he would take care of her til her last breath. But now we have to take note if 1. she is suffering 2. if Ollie is at risk if she stays. I know its hard, especially for him because of their strong bond. I tell you, even when she calls Luqman is sounded like "Man". When she's playing in the bushes, and heard Luqman calling she'll quickly run to him. I envy Luqman for being her favorite. But what can I do, I missed out 2 years of her life. The time we bonded were only during Summer breaks, and I only become a "recurring character" in her life since last year.

Almost exactly 1 year because I came back home for good on the 16th February 2010. Hurm. Exactly a year I would say.

To be honest, I would love it if she can stay on, but I can't fight Qada and Qadar, and one cannot be selfish. I will pay as much as I can for her medical expenses and leave Luqman for caring (as I am working for almost every day now).

Okay I am talking as if the decision has been made. But looking at her conditions, and what we read in the net, most people ended up putting their cats to sleep. It is all as a matter of whether she is suffering or not.

But what I can do now is to cherish of all memories I have with her - how she made me go insane by spoiling my HDD, how she likes to ignore me but came to get my attention when I was on the phone, or using the laptop, our experience of being roomies and especially - The fact that we both love Sigur Ros.

I am positive that she loves it! When I watched Heima, everyone else is like making fun of me. Well they claim that I have poor and weird taste in music anyway. And Sigur Ros front man Jonsi sang like my cat Ollie. Apparently Clarice came to room and she joined me. Her face was very relaxed and it looked as if she's enjoying the whole Heima experience. LOL. Family thinks that because she understood the song as the frontman sounded like a cat.

And this is what happened at the vet:

DR: Oh, does she has any traumatic experience? Macam accidents ke? -
AAA: Ada2. Must be that band Farah suka and dia pasang haritu kat TV
FM: Ayahhh mana ada!!!

Every time I went to her I'll tell her I love her (I am getting better at expressing now btw :P.. or probably it's easier to say that to animals), although the night before she was sent to the ward I didn't pet her, and that morning too - I didn't drop by to see her before I left for work and that made me regret for not doing so. Now my last time seeing her was the day before.

So I dedicate this post for you Clarice. Also hoping hard that everything will get better. Anything we do its for your best interest. Because we love you.

But the truth remains - You're gone..

Currently listening to *NSync's Gone

I would do anything to make her eat - including putting her food on my plate that I use when I was a kid, and letting her eat on this table that she likes to sit when I put my laptop on. It stinks the whole room though.

Anything for her. Ibu thinks she likes all the attention. 

I agree. But no, sorry miss but I think you are still not successful in making me prepare food for you at 5 AM. Do whatever you want, my sleep is even more important. Hehe. And who says I'm a penakut?  =P

Although tonight I had to give Ollie her food at 3AM - Ibu won't open her bedroom door. Well, your stinky food is in my room right? So kesian lah Ollie.

Now she went out, sitting outside. Merajuk kot. pffttt. Mengada lebih. 

Both of them are out. Let's hope theres no dogs tonight!

On a totally random note: Once someone noticed and mentioned on how I love to blog about my cats. I miss her. She's like my mom in Wellington. hehe. Here's a shout out for you Aunty Rose. InsyaAllah I'll try to meet up with you this year. It's been awhile =)

Maybe this is wishful thinking, Probably mindless dreaming, If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

Currently listening to Taylor Swift's Back to December

1. Have to admit. Her songs are good. Actually she wrote about what girls wanted to say but never (usually) have the guts to say it out loud. Or maybe I have not grown up yet thats why =P Maybe. je (tanak admit!)

2.

So spent half a day at the vet yesterday. Its confirmed; she has that FeLV virus. Well, if she can fight it now she can spare more years of her life. If not, it'll be goodbye. This virus is like HIV, once the cat got it, s/he'll be the carrier the whole life. From what I read, cats with this disease has to be properly taken care of - has to train them to be domesticated, not to let it share food with others and to make sure the cat doesn't fell sick as it will worsen his/her condition.

Which is quite hard because she likes to roam around. But could be easy because she'll stay home if Luqman is around.

Ah well, anyhoo now, all we need to do is to make her eat and help her fight the virus for this time around. And hope Ollie isn't infected as well - cuz I actually gave her Clarice's can food if she cannot finish them :-S. How would I know right?

You know what? I know death is coming for all of us. But its better if we don't know, or if we cannot expect when. Cuz I hate counting the days. Maybe its good this way cuz we can start preparing.

Pray for the best. Amin.

3. We didn't get to go to Langkawi for Island Hopping - instead we opt for Gua Kelam in Perlis. However that place was closed. Heard it was closed since the flood. pfft. Nasib baik makan dekat Pokok Sawa.

4. And lets pray for those in Cairo, especially the Malaysians, and those who are affected by the flood, and any other disaster in other parts of the world. Amin.

5. Well, hello February :)

Park that car, drop that phone, Sleep on the floor, dream about me.

 Currently listening to Broken Social Scene's Anthems for a 17 y/o Girl

This is taken a few days before..

Its kind of worrying that Clarice's pupil shrinking only on one side. Its still the same now, and if Luqman have some time to spare tomorrow he'll take her to the doctor. Its been like that since Saturday, but we had another emergency so we can't take her to the hospital. And everyone has been busy ever since - my mom and my two brothers Adam and Firdaus are still in Kedah, Luqman's exhibition started this week, my dad's travelling around the peninsula for work and I am assigned to a week-long engagement which requires me to go back late at night, well not too late today as we don't have enough materials to make us stay back. 

Hopefully Luqman has some time to spare tomorrow. Amin. 

Looking at sick people, and sick cat lately reminds me to go to the dermatologist & the dentist asap - my skin is getting worse and I haven't checked my teeth for a year. pfft. 

Oh, notice that I have photos to share lately? hehe. Thanks to this company and to her - Now I can start taking pictures again. Without having to carry an extra camera in my heavy bag of course :)

Okay better start working. 

Currently listening to Sigur Ros' Sé Lest

I don't know if you realize this Clarice, but you are always here by my side when I am in need of company :) I ♥ you always altho you ♥ Luqman more.

Let's sing into the years, like one

currently listening to: Sigur Ros' All Alright

Damn, I just realized how beautiful this song is. I have too many of their songs in my iPod, so usually I'll just listen without checking what's the title of this one. It's better to hear them separately, so maybe I'll be more interested to know more about each song.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about tonight.

Its just that, this morning, I was driving on the MEX Highway, and as I wanted to go down and enter Bangsar's NPE, I saw this one Calico-colored kitten running at the side of the highway, panicking and didn't know what to do. It was really really small. Probably just weeks old?

I swear, if there's no car on the road, or it wasn't as hectic & fast as this morning, I would just stop the car and grab her. And just drive her to work, and probably bring her home.

After the moments passed, all I can tell myself is to stop thinking about her, and suck it up, and that she will be fine. She will be fine. She will. be. fine.

But I can't stop thinking about her. Especially when there's Clarice sleeping in front of me.

Ah, I really hope I won't see her tomorrow. Lying on the road. Flat out.

T_T

Still bothers me.

Are you going to scaborough fair? Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme..

Currently listening to Simon & Garfunkel's Scarborough Fair, Canticle.

Ibu woke me up early today at 5:30 am, thinking that it was 6:30am. So I told her she was wrong, but she doesn't want to believe me. Told her my laptop, phone and iPod shows tht it's 5:30am, but she is still not convinced. Finally I was like "Ibu, see? Clarice is still sleeping on my bed. Tidur mati kot.. should be 5 something now.. if its 6 she will be awake."

And Ibu was like "oh.. a ah eh. I thought its really 6:30am.."

I think its kinda cute that my mom is finally convinced that it is 6:30 am by proving that Clarice is still soundly asleep. Clarice and her sleeping habit.

Okay, cats naturally sleep longer than they're awake am I right? I think so :p. But I know cats love to sleep lah senang. hehe.

She sleeps like a log. Sometimes she looked like twisted cat. As if someone twisted her to death.. but actually she likes twisting her body while she's asleep. That is one.

Number two, she loves anythingg squarish/rectangular-ish, like a stack of papers. Or the box lid. Or the laptop. She wants to sleep on them. I have to fold a blanket to a square/rectangular so that she'll sleep there instead of my bed. And put the blanket at the edge of my bed so she won't sleep near my pillows or else I will sleep on her, or I'll push her away.

Number three, I can move her while she's sleeping. I find that pretty odd for a cat cuz usually when I move it while its still sleeping, the cat will wake up and won't be asleep after that. But not her, she may grumble a bit but she'll continue sleeping after that. One time I can move her without any mumbling or grumbling. Weird cat. And she'll sleep at the same spot for the whole night, until 6 am in the morning. That's her routine.

Isn't she cute?

I miss my roomie.

She was my roomie during summer holidays. Although I (accidentally) kicked her from the bed most of the times. Too bad she loves to sleep at my feet. 

Heard she was looking all over for me for a few days since I left. Aww. Never thought she would do that. 

But that was, just for awhile. Luqman is always around to distract her. 

I think, she thinks Luqman is either:

1) Her most loyal boyfriend. or her soulmate.

OR 

2) Her sugar daddy. He's the one feeding her with all the food. He had plans of turning her into Nanook the 2nd. 

But one thing for sure is, she cannot live without Luqman. Maybe it'll take her a loong time to adapt if one day Luqman steps out of the house. 

God I am so jealous. How I wish I was there when she first came to join our family. 

Love, Clarice.

Isn't she cute? Ibu said she likes that bow very much. Dia rasa comel.

And i think she is gedik n mengada.

I feel like going bk just to cuddle her.

Now i feel like playing with cats. Apparently i haven't seen tinkerbell n pumpkin 4 quite awhile nw.

Wonder where they are now.

Nak kucing kat Welly:-(

Love, Clarice.

she's sleeping. cute kan!
I miss her. so badly.

Especially when I saw the two cats (belong to my neighbour) were running, playing with each other.

If only I can bring her with me. She's so adorable. Notty. And stupid.
Oh Clarice! rinduu

Love, clarice.

Introducing, clarice! Cute kan?