So we finally put her to sleep. It turns out other than that FeLV virus, she also developed cancer - and its as huge as her heart. Well for a small cat like her, it's highly unlikely for her not to suffer. Luqman made that call. 

Goodbye my dear Clarice - my cat, my roomie. Now if I stretch out in the morning I can't feel the fur at the edge of my feet. I am going to miss you so bad. 

Clarice Love

October 2007 - February 22nd 2011

One of the firsts picture taken by me, while she was sleeping on my lap. Back in the 2007 - the early stages of getting to know each other. 

Maybe its a bit too much to feel a bit too sad for a cat. While others are battling or have someone (they're very much close with) going through worse. To me, they are a part of my family. I spent time with my cats, and I helped to take care of them so that's how I feel so attached with both Ollie & Clarice.

Now, Clarice is getting worse by the day. She's diagnosed with another deadly virus - the FIP. And this one is more violent to cats than the FeLV - kills the cat faster too. To cut the chase, since yesterday my parents ask us (especially Luqman) to consider euthanasia if she is really suffering but apparently not only Luqman hesitated, the doctor as well. So we are leaving her at the ward for 2 days, and tomorrow will be the day he has to decide.

Well if he can he would take care of her til her last breath. But now we have to take note if 1. she is suffering 2. if Ollie is at risk if she stays. I know its hard, especially for him because of their strong bond. I tell you, even when she calls Luqman is sounded like "Man". When she's playing in the bushes, and heard Luqman calling she'll quickly run to him. I envy Luqman for being her favorite. But what can I do, I missed out 2 years of her life. The time we bonded were only during Summer breaks, and I only become a "recurring character" in her life since last year.

Almost exactly 1 year because I came back home for good on the 16th February 2010. Hurm. Exactly a year I would say.

To be honest, I would love it if she can stay on, but I can't fight Qada and Qadar, and one cannot be selfish. I will pay as much as I can for her medical expenses and leave Luqman for caring (as I am working for almost every day now).

Okay I am talking as if the decision has been made. But looking at her conditions, and what we read in the net, most people ended up putting their cats to sleep. It is all as a matter of whether she is suffering or not.

But what I can do now is to cherish of all memories I have with her - how she made me go insane by spoiling my HDD, how she likes to ignore me but came to get my attention when I was on the phone, or using the laptop, our experience of being roomies and especially - The fact that we both love Sigur Ros.

I am positive that she loves it! When I watched Heima, everyone else is like making fun of me. Well they claim that I have poor and weird taste in music anyway. And Sigur Ros front man Jonsi sang like my cat Ollie. Apparently Clarice came to room and she joined me. Her face was very relaxed and it looked as if she's enjoying the whole Heima experience. LOL. Family thinks that because she understood the song as the frontman sounded like a cat.

And this is what happened at the vet:

DR: Oh, does she has any traumatic experience? Macam accidents ke? -
AAA: Ada2. Must be that band Farah suka and dia pasang haritu kat TV
FM: Ayahhh mana ada!!!

Every time I went to her I'll tell her I love her (I am getting better at expressing now btw :P.. or probably it's easier to say that to animals), although the night before she was sent to the ward I didn't pet her, and that morning too - I didn't drop by to see her before I left for work and that made me regret for not doing so. Now my last time seeing her was the day before.

So I dedicate this post for you Clarice. Also hoping hard that everything will get better. Anything we do its for your best interest. Because we love you.

Maybe this is wishful thinking, Probably mindless dreaming, If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

Currently listening to Taylor Swift's Back to December

1. Have to admit. Her songs are good. Actually she wrote about what girls wanted to say but never (usually) have the guts to say it out loud. Or maybe I have not grown up yet thats why =P Maybe. je (tanak admit!)

2.

So spent half a day at the vet yesterday. Its confirmed; she has that FeLV virus. Well, if she can fight it now she can spare more years of her life. If not, it'll be goodbye. This virus is like HIV, once the cat got it, s/he'll be the carrier the whole life. From what I read, cats with this disease has to be properly taken care of - has to train them to be domesticated, not to let it share food with others and to make sure the cat doesn't fell sick as it will worsen his/her condition.

Which is quite hard because she likes to roam around. But could be easy because she'll stay home if Luqman is around.

Ah well, anyhoo now, all we need to do is to make her eat and help her fight the virus for this time around. And hope Ollie isn't infected as well - cuz I actually gave her Clarice's can food if she cannot finish them :-S. How would I know right?

You know what? I know death is coming for all of us. But its better if we don't know, or if we cannot expect when. Cuz I hate counting the days. Maybe its good this way cuz we can start preparing.

Pray for the best. Amin.

3. We didn't get to go to Langkawi for Island Hopping - instead we opt for Gua Kelam in Perlis. However that place was closed. Heard it was closed since the flood. pfft. Nasib baik makan dekat Pokok Sawa.

4. And lets pray for those in Cairo, especially the Malaysians, and those who are affected by the flood, and any other disaster in other parts of the world. Amin.

5. Well, hello February :)

Currently listening to Sigur Ros' Sé Lest

I don't know if you realize this Clarice, but you are always here by my side when I am in need of company :) I ♥ you always altho you ♥ Luqman more.

Let's sing into the years, like one

currently listening to: Sigur Ros' All Alright

Damn, I just realized how beautiful this song is. I have too many of their songs in my iPod, so usually I'll just listen without checking what's the title of this one. It's better to hear them separately, so maybe I'll be more interested to know more about each song.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about tonight.

Its just that, this morning, I was driving on the MEX Highway, and as I wanted to go down and enter Bangsar's NPE, I saw this one Calico-colored kitten running at the side of the highway, panicking and didn't know what to do. It was really really small. Probably just weeks old?

I swear, if there's no car on the road, or it wasn't as hectic & fast as this morning, I would just stop the car and grab her. And just drive her to work, and probably bring her home.

After the moments passed, all I can tell myself is to stop thinking about her, and suck it up, and that she will be fine. She will be fine. She will. be. fine.

But I can't stop thinking about her. Especially when there's Clarice sleeping in front of me.

Ah, I really hope I won't see her tomorrow. Lying on the road. Flat out.

T_T

Still bothers me.

Are you going to scaborough fair? Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme..

Currently listening to Simon & Garfunkel's Scarborough Fair, Canticle.

Ibu woke me up early today at 5:30 am, thinking that it was 6:30am. So I told her she was wrong, but she doesn't want to believe me. Told her my laptop, phone and iPod shows tht it's 5:30am, but she is still not convinced. Finally I was like "Ibu, see? Clarice is still sleeping on my bed. Tidur mati kot.. should be 5 something now.. if its 6 she will be awake."

And Ibu was like "oh.. a ah eh. I thought its really 6:30am.."

I think its kinda cute that my mom is finally convinced that it is 6:30 am by proving that Clarice is still soundly asleep. Clarice and her sleeping habit.

Okay, cats naturally sleep longer than they're awake am I right? I think so :p. But I know cats love to sleep lah senang. hehe.

She sleeps like a log. Sometimes she looked like twisted cat. As if someone twisted her to death.. but actually she likes twisting her body while she's asleep. That is one.

Number two, she loves anythingg squarish/rectangular-ish, like a stack of papers. Or the box lid. Or the laptop. She wants to sleep on them. I have to fold a blanket to a square/rectangular so that she'll sleep there instead of my bed. And put the blanket at the edge of my bed so she won't sleep near my pillows or else I will sleep on her, or I'll push her away.

Number three, I can move her while she's sleeping. I find that pretty odd for a cat cuz usually when I move it while its still sleeping, the cat will wake up and won't be asleep after that. But not her, she may grumble a bit but she'll continue sleeping after that. One time I can move her without any mumbling or grumbling. Weird cat. And she'll sleep at the same spot for the whole night, until 6 am in the morning. That's her routine.

Isn't she cute?

I just feel like blogging.

Warning: this post is pretty long. Haram Maklum.

Listening to : Katy Perry's One of the Boys

I am supposed to do some catch-ups with my studies. Honestly? I feel so left behind this trimester because I have too much to read and being the person who doesn't like to read, you know, its hard for me to keep up.

Apparently one of my papers that I am taking requires me to read a lot! and do a lot of questioning along the way. Another one just requires me to read a lot too, so that I can understand to do the workings later on. The lecturer assumed that I still have my knowledge on stuff that I learned a year and a half ago. Which for me, is not easy as I am so forgetful. One more paper requires me to write a lot. I also have some things to complain on this paper, but at the same time I think I am enjoying this class more than how much I can complain. Probably because its pretty relaxing. As compared to the other two.

Well, don't get me wrong. Its not that I hate the other two, they're just much much more difficult for me to handle as I have problems keeping up with the readings. And I was the one who chose to do all these, and so far I find all three subjects interesting. That should be good yes?

As I said earlier, one subject requires me to question on stuff, which I bet you know what subject it is. The problem with me is, I am so used to being told this and that, and I followed, most of the times, without questioning why. Probably because before I started to take up elective papers, the stuff that I am learning were mostly factual. I mean even if its subjective the lecturer will help you out by giving out all possible situations that make you use your common sense to understand, and somehow have some generic answers to them when the exam comes.

While in this subject, it is more to questioning why this and why that. They are the stuff that sometimes you do have questions on them but you don't exactly say it out loud, or in my case, usually I'll ended up with "maybe they are the way they are" or "they are what they are". I will come to terms with myself that things are meant to be the way they are meant to be. So I become more easily accepting towards things.

Maybe because I don't know much to the extent that I can start arguing. That's why this subject has many readings.

and I don't know when I can start keeping my momentum of reading all these stuff.

Maybe I should go out and stay in the library for me to read stuff. But I bet I will get bored easily and just stop reading and stare out of the window, or probably just enjoy the songs that were played in my iPod.

Or maybe I should go to Gloria Jeans and have something, and bring the book to the store and read while having my usual mango chiller and my sushi/ quiche. Its been awhile since I have that on my weekly routine. Yeah, been busy with fasting, so I don't go out that much... so sad. I miss my weekly sushi as well... yeah since tomorrow is my day off, I think I should do it! but then, I am sure I'll be tempted with the free mags at Borders. Well, who can resist free mags reading?

Ah well, I should just bring the book. Probably I will read at least a bit. That should be good enough :)

Because I don't think I'll do anything with my laptop right in front of me. Just now I managed to do a (very) little catch ups, and that's it. Plus now I have many things that I have to do online; Facebook has so many games applications (which most of them that I really hooked up with are Playfish's like Restaurant City, Country Story, Crazy Planet, and Pet Society), and miss bimbo; NaneeDoll needs constant attention from me okay. And there's youtube, or The Big Bang Theory, or the OC.

How can I concentrate???

Oh speaking of which, I have finished The OC season 1 for now. I don't wanna look for Season 2 (onwards) yet because I won't do any work if I have them.

Watching the OC again just made me realized how much I love and still loving the series. Back then, I was so into it, I blogged about it, I talked about it with friends, I googled for the photos, and photos of Adam Brody =P. And after watching them a week ago, I was in that "bubble" again. I became a bit obsessed, I googled to refresh my mind with the other seasons, and looked for the bloopers. Just the week before that I was into Harry Potter; watched all 6 movies (1 per day) and read the 7th book for the second time. Downloaded the 6th movie game for NDS and finish playing them in 2 days (or so). So that should explain why I don't bother to update my blog until recently. huhu.

Back to the OC, after watching the first season I find that I am more into Ryan's character than Seth. I guess its because they don't concentrate on Seth's life as much as Ryan's. Or probably my taste has changed over time. I don't know. Maybe I should watch the other 3 seasons to find out.

But I still have that celebrity crush on Adam Brody :P haha.

Now I feel like buying the box set for my own collection. So much of thinking that I won't be collecting dramas. But they look so cool.

But there's so many things on my list that I wanna buy. Like this:

been planning to get this for a long time, but never got the chance to grab it. Probably will check it out (again, and again) tomorrow.

I also have plans to get myself a pet. aaa I know, I am crazy right? Firstly, we're not sure whether we can have a pet. But I reckon the one who lives in a cage will be fine so I am looking at the Guinea Pigs. Well, a good substitute for cats (cuz I don't wanna cage cats...), that's what I think. But I don't know yet. What do you think? Is it easy to keep guinea pigs?

If only money grows on trees.

Okay this is totally out of the main topic.

So I guess I'll be bringing my book to Gloria Jeans tomorrow. Most likely. Haha.

And this is damn long. And I should go to bed; its nearly 2 am.

And maybe I should put some "long post warning at the top"...

Ah well, good night :)

I miss my roomie.

She was my roomie during summer holidays. Although I (accidentally) kicked her from the bed most of the times. Too bad she loves to sleep at my feet. 

Heard she was looking all over for me for a few days since I left. Aww. Never thought she would do that. 

But that was, just for awhile. Luqman is always around to distract her. 

I think, she thinks Luqman is either:

1) Her most loyal boyfriend. or her soulmate.

OR 

2) Her sugar daddy. He's the one feeding her with all the food. He had plans of turning her into Nanook the 2nd. 

But one thing for sure is, she cannot live without Luqman. Maybe it'll take her a loong time to adapt if one day Luqman steps out of the house. 

God I am so jealous. How I wish I was there when she first came to join our family. 

Sweetness.

Do you know what makes me feel great?

1. Getting a chance snapping a picture of her:

She's a beauty. The prettiest cat I've ever own. But she hardly stays at home because she and Clarice (who is always around) can't get along at all. She doesn't stay still that much. Makes it harder to snap a photo of her =(

She's a bit weird. She doesn't know how to play with us, I always get scratches from her. At times she wants attention, but not too much or else she'll chase you away. Right after I took this photo, I petted her, and she got mad.

*sigh* Ollie, Ollie. I just don't know how to get close to you.

2. To get a hair treatment. After a year of not visiting a hair salon. Bliss, ok.

3. Wearing this pants:

Its the most comfortable pants ever! Oh and those stuffs are on my favorite stuffs list. My beading box (and all the beading stuffs inside, on the top etc), my NDS.

4. To be able to make these:

But I am still at the stage of learning, so I am now practicing to make them with a better quality. Especially painting the box. I need to learn to be detailed too. And I need a lot of patience in doing all these stuffs (and thats what I am lacking... *sigh*). Its a loong way to go.

I learn to make these accessories from Kak Shaz. She's my cuzzen who owns Saya Sukalah . I mentioned about her before . Go on, check out her stuffs, they're nice =)

Since she came to Bangi to teach me (and at the same time she joined the decorative painting classes), she also teaches Zalika, Fash, their mothers, my mom's friends and also Zalika's sisters.

Even this cute girl Nana learns how to make accessories. And she has a good taste!

I candid her picture of her sucking out the push-pop. Didn't get the chance to take a photo of her with her new handmade stuffs. Will do that soon. hehe. Oh this girl is pretty artistic. She also joins my decorative painting classes. Hebat.

So what do you guys think of the stuffs I made? Just leave me a comment k? =D

I spent a lot on them! Especially the beads; I can just go crazy if I go to the shop. I spent hours and hours choosing. But memang rambang mata ok!

Maybe I should consider selling them. Do you guys think I can sell those stuffs?

By the way, say if you're interested to learn all these stuffs, just let me know okay. Or maybe you can visit Saya Sukalah and contact my cuzzen Shaz.

5. Using Google Chrome.

Its just awesome! But sometimes I can get annoyed with it as I am not used to it. Trying to shift from Mozilla to GC. Not bad.

6. To be able to blog using my serviced, and reformatted laptop! Ah best gila. And... I have organized 18.7GB worth of songs. I manage to clear up from 2000+ songs to 1800+. But I think there's still some files of the same song inside. Now I need to organize the photos and stuffs in My Documents.

I aim to be organized this year. For someone messy like me, theres MANY things need to be organized. Including labels for this blog.

7. Met a lot of people today! Thanks to Sufya & Aim for inviting me to your wedding reception XD

Okay that is all for now. Goodnight everyone! I need to sleep (although I don't feel like sleeping yet). I should blame myself for taking the afternoon nap just now.

I shall practice playing Tetris now. I need to beat the CPU @ level 4. haha.

Goodnight!

Love, Clarice.

Isn't she cute? Ibu said she likes that bow very much. Dia rasa comel.

And i think she is gedik n mengada.

I feel like going bk just to cuddle her.

Now i feel like playing with cats. Apparently i haven't seen tinkerbell n pumpkin 4 quite awhile nw.

Wonder where they are now.

Nak kucing kat Welly:-(

She left.

She passed away last week. The doctors don't know exactly what she's been going through. Well we know that she's been sick, she's been like that since her womb was removed (because of the small tumor) last year. I guess that must be the reason why she's slowly becomes weaker. Ah, at least she's stopped suffering now.

Apparently I didn't cry when I found out about her. Probably because she passed away not in a tragic way, unlike my previous cats. But I do feel sad. Especially when I have flashbacks on how other cats have left me. I suddenly remembered Preans, Nanook and Martin. Their deaths really affect me.

May you rest in peace Ossy. I love you so much.

Sick.

I have been sleeping like this cat for the past week; only the difference is she (the cat - Ollie) was having a good sleep - if not always, it'll be most of the times I guess. While me, on the other hand, felt otherwise. I was supposed to update this blog for quite awhile. But the conditions won't permit me to do so. Wasn't feeling so well since exactly a week ago. Tried to fight it, so I thought it worked at first, but that only lasted til Tuesday.

Since that day, I realized that I couldn't stare on one thing for a period of time or else I'll get dizzy. I couldn't walk around so much. I couldn't sweat and that made it worse. The body temperature was quite high but I at the same time had to depend on the heater as I was feeling superbly cold. I had a series of weirdest dreams. I couldn't sneeze most of the times and that annoy me so much. Ended up having tears running down my cheeks. I became a log. I became useless*sigh*. Felt bad for not helping out so much around the house. Also been neglecting my other works too. Assignments due soon, and yet I haven't started anything. Wasted a week. I didn't go to most of my classes as I am afraid that this might be viral. Even if I went, I'll stay away from other people. Felt like I am the social outcast.

Ibu kept on reminding me to go to the clinic. Apparently I haven't visit any of them. Heh. Malas.

Everyday I keep telling myself that I got better. So I should start doing some work. Walked around the house, and after awhile, I felt tired back again. There are times that I felt that I'm all healed. But that doesn't last for long.

Anyway...

Its been a week, and I am pretty confident that I am better today. At least I got my apetite back. And I don't feel there's heat. Let's hope I can do some work today :)

To dear housemates & friends who care for me, I thank you *hugs*.

Like father, Like son :)

Ayah loves to surprise me. The last time, he surprised me with that voice recorder that he bought for my birthday. Well, I know its not on my top list, honestly but I love that present anyway. Its practical and it looks cool to me. He he.

So yeah thats one.

Today, I called up Ibu to update her on the flight ticket. Then I asked her what is she up to. She told me she's watching my grandfather painting (my grandparents are staying over at our place for awhile as my grandmother recovers fully). Oh, that's something new. I told myself. so I asked her, what is he painting?

Then my mom answered "Itik". And she burst out laughing.

I was puzzled. What's so funny?

Then she continued "Oh, we have new pets at home. They're 3 little ducklings."

.... what?

Okay so yeah. Probably I think ducks should look cute on a pond... in a park. But at home? I don't know... its dangerous for them... especially when there's 3 cats at home. Maybe its a good opportunity for Ossy & Clarice to show off this time. Its always been Ollie who has been bringing back "cool stuffs" for my mom as presents (such as birds, rats.. I know disgusting. But thats how cats want to show how good they are. By bringing back presents for their owner. Since Ollie loves my parents, she brought back stuffs for them). But then again, if they "bring back" ducks for Adam/Luqman, I'm sure that wouldn't make neither Adam nor Luqman to be proud as we all know where the ducks came from. Haha. Poor cats. Ollie masih hebat!

I think Ibu got a little excited when Ayah brought them back so she put em all on the pond. Apparently baby ducks are not supposed to be in the water so one of them died today. Its too cold for that poor little thing. I'm so sad.

Now my mom caged them in the drain near the pond. Well its safer there as Clarice has been spending most of her time sitting on that cage waiting for the ducklings to come out. Kesian the ducks.

I asked my mom why Ayah suddenly decided to keep the ducklings. She told me its for Nenek's theraphy, as ayah told her. I am so going to call him & ask cuz I wonder what does it means by 'theraphy'? Probably watching the ducks moving on the pond, with water fountain & fishes are good for relaxing... but Ibu is more looking forward to watch them grow older, then she can cook em for dinner. Even abang is waiting for that as well. Haha not surprising aye? :p But Luqman doesn't agree with them. Being the animal person, he'd prefer to keep them as pets *aww...*. Well if his peminats know how nice he is to the animals I'm sure they'll go *awww* too. A plus point for him.. gee. I hope none of them reads my blog :p haha.

Anyhoo, I agree with Luqman. Although I am not there cuz they won't be seeing me til December (basically they don't know me), I still feel that they're now my pets too. Kesian okay.

I can't wait to go home and see this 2 new kids. Hopefully they can survive in my house. With cats all around them. I hope Ibu takes a good care of them. I know she would. Well at least til they grow older :p haha.

My father is very funny. And until now I can't really figure out whats on his mind. He thinks differently. And he always have his way in doing things and they always worked. Well this is a good surprise to me. I love animals. and I think if these 2 ducklings grow old in my house, probably they'd make babies (which I think Ibu won't allow :P) and I know the pond will be very meriah. Bestnye :) But I'm sure we'll have problems with their poops. aiyah.

And this time, Atok (my grandfather) surprises me too. I don't know whether my grandmother is excited about the ducklings. Maybe she would, but not as excited as my grandfather who already took pictures of the 2 fella and paint em on the canvas. I don't know that he can paint! Atok, atok. This is another interesting person. Seriously, I can have another post about him.

Its not surprising to see how interesting my father is. Just look at his dad.

Now I feel like going home. I miss all of them.

I miss this fella.

Spent the whole afternoon with this. Finished it early in the morning today (before Subuh) as I went out that night. Only manage to finish it when I got back.

Then when I posted it up I realized... that I forgot to do the outline. Hm... one of my first 'real' attempt in drawing using the Graffiti application in Facebook. Seen other ppl's work. Cantik gila I tell you. Haih wish I can be like them...

Ah anyways,

what do you guys think of this picture? Cuba teka... who is he?

Was feeling a bit emotional while sketching. I feel like crying. Probably I can't look at this picture for too long, because it brings back memories :(

Love, Clarice.

she's sleeping. cute kan!
I miss her. so badly.

Especially when I saw the two cats (belong to my neighbour) were running, playing with each other.

If only I can bring her with me. She's so adorable. Notty. And stupid.
Oh Clarice! rinduu

Love, clarice.

Introducing, clarice! Cute kan?