You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

Currently listening to Michael Buble's Everything


So it is either this:

or this:

or this:

The new escapism huh?

Anyhoo, I am still searching for thes movie's DVD:

I just feel like blogging.

Warning: this post is pretty long. Haram Maklum.

Listening to : Katy Perry's One of the Boys

I am supposed to do some catch-ups with my studies. Honestly? I feel so left behind this trimester because I have too much to read and being the person who doesn't like to read, you know, its hard for me to keep up.

Apparently one of my papers that I am taking requires me to read a lot! and do a lot of questioning along the way. Another one just requires me to read a lot too, so that I can understand to do the workings later on. The lecturer assumed that I still have my knowledge on stuff that I learned a year and a half ago. Which for me, is not easy as I am so forgetful. One more paper requires me to write a lot. I also have some things to complain on this paper, but at the same time I think I am enjoying this class more than how much I can complain. Probably because its pretty relaxing. As compared to the other two.

Well, don't get me wrong. Its not that I hate the other two, they're just much much more difficult for me to handle as I have problems keeping up with the readings. And I was the one who chose to do all these, and so far I find all three subjects interesting. That should be good yes?

As I said earlier, one subject requires me to question on stuff, which I bet you know what subject it is. The problem with me is, I am so used to being told this and that, and I followed, most of the times, without questioning why. Probably because before I started to take up elective papers, the stuff that I am learning were mostly factual. I mean even if its subjective the lecturer will help you out by giving out all possible situations that make you use your common sense to understand, and somehow have some generic answers to them when the exam comes.

While in this subject, it is more to questioning why this and why that. They are the stuff that sometimes you do have questions on them but you don't exactly say it out loud, or in my case, usually I'll ended up with "maybe they are the way they are" or "they are what they are". I will come to terms with myself that things are meant to be the way they are meant to be. So I become more easily accepting towards things.

Maybe because I don't know much to the extent that I can start arguing. That's why this subject has many readings.

and I don't know when I can start keeping my momentum of reading all these stuff.

Maybe I should go out and stay in the library for me to read stuff. But I bet I will get bored easily and just stop reading and stare out of the window, or probably just enjoy the songs that were played in my iPod.

Or maybe I should go to Gloria Jeans and have something, and bring the book to the store and read while having my usual mango chiller and my sushi/ quiche. Its been awhile since I have that on my weekly routine. Yeah, been busy with fasting, so I don't go out that much... so sad. I miss my weekly sushi as well... yeah since tomorrow is my day off, I think I should do it! but then, I am sure I'll be tempted with the free mags at Borders. Well, who can resist free mags reading?

Ah well, I should just bring the book. Probably I will read at least a bit. That should be good enough :)

Because I don't think I'll do anything with my laptop right in front of me. Just now I managed to do a (very) little catch ups, and that's it. Plus now I have many things that I have to do online; Facebook has so many games applications (which most of them that I really hooked up with are Playfish's like Restaurant City, Country Story, Crazy Planet, and Pet Society), and miss bimbo; NaneeDoll needs constant attention from me okay. And there's youtube, or The Big Bang Theory, or the OC.

How can I concentrate???

Oh speaking of which, I have finished The OC season 1 for now. I don't wanna look for Season 2 (onwards) yet because I won't do any work if I have them.

Watching the OC again just made me realized how much I love and still loving the series. Back then, I was so into it, I blogged about it, I talked about it with friends, I googled for the photos, and photos of Adam Brody =P. And after watching them a week ago, I was in that "bubble" again. I became a bit obsessed, I googled to refresh my mind with the other seasons, and looked for the bloopers. Just the week before that I was into Harry Potter; watched all 6 movies (1 per day) and read the 7th book for the second time. Downloaded the 6th movie game for NDS and finish playing them in 2 days (or so). So that should explain why I don't bother to update my blog until recently. huhu.

Back to the OC, after watching the first season I find that I am more into Ryan's character than Seth. I guess its because they don't concentrate on Seth's life as much as Ryan's. Or probably my taste has changed over time. I don't know. Maybe I should watch the other 3 seasons to find out.

But I still have that celebrity crush on Adam Brody :P haha.

Now I feel like buying the box set for my own collection. So much of thinking that I won't be collecting dramas. But they look so cool.

But there's so many things on my list that I wanna buy. Like this:

been planning to get this for a long time, but never got the chance to grab it. Probably will check it out (again, and again) tomorrow.

I also have plans to get myself a pet. aaa I know, I am crazy right? Firstly, we're not sure whether we can have a pet. But I reckon the one who lives in a cage will be fine so I am looking at the Guinea Pigs. Well, a good substitute for cats (cuz I don't wanna cage cats...), that's what I think. But I don't know yet. What do you think? Is it easy to keep guinea pigs?

If only money grows on trees.

Okay this is totally out of the main topic.

So I guess I'll be bringing my book to Gloria Jeans tomorrow. Most likely. Haha.

And this is damn long. And I should go to bed; its nearly 2 am.

And maybe I should put some "long post warning at the top"...

Ah well, good night :)

Heartless.

Crying is one way for me to let it all out, especially when I feel so sad... or stressed out... or angry. When I feel so emotional.

Somehow that makes me feel better.

Last year was the year that I cried a lot. I even cried in public, in front of many people...tak malu kan.. but actually it is rare for me to burst out like that in front of many people. Unless they're close friends and family. Ah I guess I was too vulnerable then; I went through a lot of things and most of them were emotionally challenging. I can't help myself but to have breakdowns along the way.

But things were so much different this year. I mean there are not many things that stuffing me up.

Okay I lied.

Yes, there are not many things that I have to do involving responsibilities on other people. This time it's more like a "Me-Year". Which led to me having mixed feelings... on a lot of important things to me that I have think about.

and it sucks when these stuff bother me too much. I find it really hard to concentrate on other things that I really have to do. I have exams soon. So I have to study and I definitely cannot afford to waste any more time. But that's the thing, I got easily distracted whenever this topic came up. To the extent that it is spoiling my mood to do anything for the next few days.

and it sucks even more when I feel so lost and I just don't know what to do next. I wish everything is so certain. So I know what is going to happen next and I don't have to bother myself wondering and worrying whether I can cope. Being a weak person that I am, I get so stressed out because of all these. and I also get so emotional.

At times like these, I feel crying would help. But yeah, here comes the suck-iest part; I can't. I just can't. For quite a long time. Long enough for me.

So a few nights ago I had one of those weird dreams.And this dream ended with me in tears.

I woke up, but I wasn't crying. My eyes were not all teary (is there such word?) too.

Okay, I know. It is just a dream. But that's the thing... I was hoping and waiting for that to happen.

To be honest, I actually miss crying.

*sigh*

Sometimes I wonder, how is this possible? Why? Is it because I cried too much last year?

And sometimes I feel like I am losing my emotions. Like I am becoming heartless.

Ah, maybe I will. Soon. I can't just force myself on these kind of stuff.

Okay, I should stop. I have to continue studying. Which I should do hours ago. And I haven't started anything. Geez...

Oh what I feel like doing right now:

Cliff diving.

It looks fun, and dangerous as I am not a good swimmer. But I feel it is going to help myself to wake up and face the reality.

I really need a wake up call. Cuz right now I find myself enjoying the time in Pixie Hollow.

I am still wishing that I am living in Neverland.

The year end countdown.

It's the day to be remembered. always. I may have another chance to do this again. But I don't think I will. This is going to be the first and the last. Although the fact that I didn't get to parade properly make me want to do this again, but I don't know. I just want to keep the memories just between us. My closest friends in Wellington and I.

Well, let's just wait and see. By the way, I have better pictures of me. I know, this one looks a bit... inappropriate. But personally I find this picture very alive. That's why I love it. Once I have developed all pics, I'll post em all in FB.

The first weekend in Malaysia was spent with them. The times I feel it is okay for them to call me "Kak Farah". There are also the times when I can't help myself but to correct them just to make me feel younger. Haha. That's only my reflect reaction. Honestly, I feel 2 days is NOT ENOUGH! Wishing that we have more days. With every morning spent with that 'Senaman Malaysia'. Giler cool okay. I am not sure of the name but I guess that's what they call it. Reminded me of the days with budak2 Bahtera Budaya.

I just hope that we could spend at least another day more. They're just like family, so I can't get enough of being with them. Their behavior, reactions, sporting-ness, giler-ness. Best. Just like old times.

Hah. Tomorrow, I mean this Morning, I am going to spend the whole day with the peeps I love spending time with. Hah, I cannot wait! I miss Janda Baik so much. The fresh air, the green scenery, the cooling stream, and the people who are going to be there with me... =) Tak sabar nye...

*sigh* I have been quiet. Well, its not that my days have been really plain. No, instead, they're very eventful. But I refuse to share, not now. Not yet I guess. But I don't think they're gonna be interesting if I want to share em now. Nak cerita pon dah takda mood. Heh.

Right now. I am concentrating on the days ahead. The year 2008 is ending. So is the year 1429 (Hijriah Calendar). I am planning to get serious with my resolutions. Although all this while, I keep on saying resolutions are meant to be broken. I am trying to stop that mantra. I need a change, at least. As much as I hate changes, well, I can't stop them from not happening right? Especially when right now, I am in a transition of life. It feels a bit sucky, really. Its exactly the time where I feel like running away from reality. And live in a fantasy. Escaping reality sounds like the perfect plan. Like just sleep away and live in my dreams. And have someone like Edward Cullen (or the closest to him) as my boyfriend. Yes, people I finally watched it just now Was seated at the front. The first row, hows that? But its worth it. Puas hati. I like the movie. Especially the baseball game. The best! I can join all of u to drool now. Ha ha ha! And I think I can start reading now =).

Okay back to what I was blabbing about. Escaping reality sounds really good. But apparently that is never an option. Darn it.

I have a few resolutions in mind, but I don't think I am going to disclose it for now. Probably I have to be precise first. And I definitely have to write em somewhere. I need to remember them, and remember them by heart. I am turning 21. So NO MORE fooling around.

I found a new toy. R4 card for my NDS. Giler puas hati okay. The best part: I've downloaded "Mortal Combat". Played it. Just like the PC Game. PUAS HATI GILER! I have been wasting time with my NDS. sheesh. Let me get over the Twilight fever and this Mortal Combat fever first, then I'll concentrate on life.

Hah. I am escaping, well, I am trying to. Maybe just for another day. Try not to let the fever control me. heh.

Anyway, yeah I forgot to make this statement: peeps, I am already in Malaysia. I apologize for not informing anybody. I am in the process of collecting phone numbers. Its so hard to get to you guys without your numbers!! Do find me okay! I am planning to be in touch with many people as I can.

Okay I better get some sleep.

Good night everyone!

By the way, please remind me this:

"Think less and love your life more"

Always.