Its always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me.

Currently listening to Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles.

I first heard of this from one of my darling bitches Nana. She was the one who discovered this. Its from Denmark. I think its the new kind of charm bracelet and better one too; you screw the charms in instead of you hook the charms on the bracelet. So its much safer.

At first I didn't think of getting one for myself. Well, number one its quite pricey if I were to buy a set of beads (the charms are called beads) & the bracelet. It can go up to NZD1000+. But if I were to collect one by one, I am afraid that I stop collecting when I get back - they don't have a store here in Malaysia.

But then, during my graduation... that was in 2008. In December to be exact, and my parents came for the event. On the way home, instead of we flew to Auckland, parents decided to drive up. So we stopped by at a very nice and quiet city New Plymouth and while we were passing by the antiques and jewelry stores after breakfast, Ayah saw this. That attracted him to go into the store to find out more about it.

He's interested. And he thought that I should start a collection. A new way to commemorate all the important events happened/happening in my life. One bead that tells one story. And also, later when I am older I can pass this down to my daughter/grand daughter as a family heirloom. That was the perfect timing too as I just graduated kan - one of the important events in my life. So he bought me the bracelet, and two beads.

That's the start of everything. I started to collect this. Slowly.

My collection is still small - not many important events happened in a year kann. But now I am back in Malaysia, its even harder to find the beads. The nearest store to us Malaysians is in Singapore. And I have compared the prices, somehow NZ is selling a wee bit cheaper than Singapore. I wonder why.

But yeah, Pandora doesn't sell only the charm bracelets, they're also selling other jewelries. You can put the charms on the necklace, and also if I'm not mistaken they have customized rings. Not so sure about that ehe. But the rings look pretty cool. Check out their store to see what's there!

Last week my parents went down to Singapore so I kirim-ed them a few beads for me. From what they heard, they are planning to open one store in Malaysia! woo hoo!! :D

Let's hope thats true. Aminn.

Well, if you want to start this kind of collection in Malaysia you can always opt for Thomas Sabo. Those ones are pretty cool too. Plus, they have Ariel, the Little Mermaid charm! damnnn.

Before this, I always think of charm bracelet as something what someone would buy to a girl to express how much she meant to that person. Don't know why I didn't think of it as something someone can buy to herself to tell her life story.

Its the dark side, "you are correct!"

Currently listening to the Bentframe Comedy's Star Wars Rap.

When everyone become a bit stressed out, sometimes we tend to have conversations at the office complaining how tired everyone is.

But sometimes I wonder, how can I compare myself to them? I am definitely much much younger, and have less workloads as compared to the rest.

And yet I feel them whenever they talked about tired-ness.

Everyday I have this vow to sleep early. And everyday I will end up sleeping the latest. Or maybe not the latest than the rest of my family, but still, it'll be after 12.

Now its 10:40 pm. I just reached home from dinner 40 minutes ago. And my mind was like "oh its 10. gotta change. bedtime". So I changed, then do a bit of house chores. And now its 10:40. I should go pray, then get under the blanket and sleep. But then here I am. Ah, blogging kejap je kan.

I actually still have some work I brought back from office. To be honest, I have been wanting to do them. Every single night I thought that I can have a bit of time to do them. But most of the times, when I settled its already 1130pm - 12 am. So I'll opt to rest and sleep (or more like surf a bit, then sleep...). But there are times where I turned on the laptop, do the work for like 5-10 minutes, and then I dozed off. Sometimes I even sleep talk. Once I dozed off in front of my brother (as he was doing his homework) and I started to sleep talk to myself. Maybe in my mind I think Two nights ago Ayeed came over and at that time I fell asleep right after dinner. I didn't even remember that I was nagging to him that night. I nagged in my sleep.

And once, I sleep walk. I walked back and forth from one end of my bed to the other.

I still have a lot of days to ganti puasa. There's this one day I fasted, and it felt like I am going to passed out. I felt that the whole day.

This kinda scares me off a bit. I wonder why am I so unfit? Its been 3 months and I can't get myself adjusted. Maybe I should give myself a bit more time to adapt. And exercise more. And eat more brain food. I am starting to take supplements regularly so hopefully thats a start. I jog/walk around the neighborhood when I have time.

But still, don't you think it's a bit too much? to feel this tired? Do anyone know any other way that I can do to help myself?

DJ please, pick up your phone, I'm on a request line..

Now playing Missy Elliot's Work It

OMG this song reminds me of the good ol' schooling days. I used to hate this song. But then they played it over and over at the radio, the TV, so after awhile I even memorize the words in this song! And until now I can sing along to this song. LOL.

Talking about the good ol' schooling days, last Saturday I had like a small gathering with my schoolmates (at a classmate's wedding - congratz Aflah & Husband!!). It felt so great to finally meet up with them after like... 5 years? Okay for most of them yes, 5 years ago. I do meet up with some of them once or twice since I finished schooling.

Well, it's not that easy to meet up with them. Everyone is busy. Most of them are still studying. Everyone is doing well I must say. I am so proud, and a bit envious of them too - I miss my student life! Who doesn't? I don't miss the studying part, I only miss the student life. With less things to think about & responsibilities to juggle. Ah well. Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore, I am back now so I can see them anytime now. hehe. Plus, I think they're going to start with the Alumni thing, so I have to make sure that I join the events. Better don't get too excited yet! hehe.

Sometimes I am surprised on how much I miss high school, despite hating it so much back then. Then again, who doesn't want to leave high school when they're in one? (tengok2 i sorang je :P) But yeah, the bitter memories I had are the ones which made me stronger now. The sweet memories? they are always sweet and thinking of them makes me happy:) So.. all is well. If I were to turn back and look at my journey at highschool, I would say I left school with a smile. I have no regrets at all.

Thanks to the peeps who were with me all the way. Teachers you taught me well, and friends.. you rock! See until now, I am never bored of you guys. You all always know how to turn on the laughing gas button in me :P Okay that sounded weird. haha. Ah well. I mean it.

Did someone took a portion of your heart? And now I'm learning you.

Currently listening to Yuna's Deeper Conversation

Okay I have a few posts pending. The laptop broke down and just got better recently and I don't know why it took a reaalllyyy long time to upload pictures. I am still owing my summer posts. Although its a bit too late to post them up, I don't care. I am gonna post them anyway. Wonder when I'll be able to post them up? Only God knows when.

Anyway, I know, I should be sleeping. I have to wake up in 5 hours time. Or maybe 4. I am super tired, really. But here I am, fighting hard with myself not to sleep and trying to post something up. Ah well. Its gonna be short. I just miss publishing a post up in my blog. ehe.

I'm off to Kedah tomorrow. And I don't know if I have time for this, but I know I must list down ways to 1) express myself 2) cut down some weight 3) find time for me-time with myself. I think life has been to hectic, its turning me into this monster that I don't like. Okay, actually the monster I hate.

I know this, but I MUST START BLOGGING AGAIN! I MUST I MUST I MUST!

and time is on your side, it's on side now.

Currently listening to Coldplay's Amsterdam.

Whoa I am blogging! The first post for the year 2010! Hari ini dalam sejarah? =P yea right. I have a few in my drafts, it's just that I never completed them. But they do not count right, since they're not published. huhu.

A lot has happened from the last post until now. It's been more than a month right? I even found my MyKad again. Yeay for me! but I am still considering to get a new one for myself... cuz I don't know if people can still recognize me if they look at the card. As if I have changed a lot. Oh please.

I have been emotionally unstable lately. Here's the thing. Currently I can't help myself but to count the days, and I hate myself for that. I think they're making me less happy, and nervous, anxious. Not so much of good feelings . Okay it depends. Maybe counting the days to freedom, or my upcoming birthdays, or new years, they're fun. But not when you're counting the days to goodbyes, or the end of something special.

They are totally not fun.

Right now, I have two freaking weeks before the summer ends. Actually, summer is not going to end in two weeks, but my summer is. Okay fine, I am going to have a full year of summer starting this year. I have never officially announce this, since I am talking about this topic might as well just do it now. I am going back for good. So I am going to start my working life as soon as I get back. InsyaAllah.

Another turning point, huge turning point of my life.

I don't want to think about it, but I can't seem to ignore it. I mean I have a lot of things to do before the last day, so I have to set up the deadlines. Then I will start to count. I wasn't saying that I am totally unhappy with what's happening. I am totally excited to go back, to be closer to my family, to meet my friends, to indulge myself in Malaysian food, but at the same time, I am not really happy to leave a place where I have lived for four years. It's always a mix of feeling great and bad when you are at a turning point of your life. And I think, when you know greater challenges are ready and waiting for you, it is normal to feel scared/worried/nervous.

But right now, I am going to stick to my 2010 motto, "be fearless". This year I didn't bother to come up with resolutions as I know I suck at keeping them, so I come up with a motto instead. And I know 2010 is going to be a huge year for me. 2009 is a year of change for me. I had to face a lot of changes, which at first were pretty hard but things got better towards the end. I finished uni for good, and I get to see Coldplay (the best thing ever happened to me in 2009 :D) and WoW, I took up a new hobby, I turned 21... things were not bad at all last year.But I know the changes do not stop there... there are more to come this year. That's why this year is going to be huge. And I have to be prepared for them. Am I prepared? Haha... I don't know.

Let's stop talking about the future. Now, I have to enjoy the time I have left. Before it's too late. Maybe I'll do one (or probably several posts if possible :P) about my summer holidays when it's over. It's been fun so far :D And I hope it will be until the end. InsyaAllah.

myKad.

I think I lost my IC, or in Malaysia we call it myKad. I really don't know where I put it. Looked for it everywhere, and it's still missing even though I have cleared out my messy room. So yeah, I am pretty sure I lost it. This is the third time - the second time is when my mom lost it. Wonder why I didn't keep the card with me. haha. But I don't care losing that one because I looked hideous. And the first ever IC that I made when I turned twelve went missing before I had it with me. I don't know how but the officers misplaced it. I remembered going to the registration office several times to claim the card but they said the card is not ready, until a year has passed my mom got furious so they decided to just make me a new one. Sadly that day, I was wearing a white shirt so they made me wear a smelly, black and white striped blazer to take the photo. And my hair was a huge mess. I was so disappointed because the picture on the lost IC was much better.

So note to self: do not wear something white and always be presentable whenever you go to the registration office.

I am going to miss the MyKad that I just misplaced. It's not because of the picture - I looked like an immigrant to be honest, but it's actually better than the one in the striped blazer - but because there's "touch'n'go" built in the card. Well, I think it's time to change the card anyway, I kept the card with me since I was fourteen. I was thinner and I don't wear spectacles back then.

This time I have to work on how to smile (and showing my teeth if possible ;P) in my new myKad photo. And yes, not to wear white, and be presentable.

Heartless.

Crying is one way for me to let it all out, especially when I feel so sad... or stressed out... or angry. When I feel so emotional.

Somehow that makes me feel better.

Last year was the year that I cried a lot. I even cried in public, in front of many people...tak malu kan.. but actually it is rare for me to burst out like that in front of many people. Unless they're close friends and family. Ah I guess I was too vulnerable then; I went through a lot of things and most of them were emotionally challenging. I can't help myself but to have breakdowns along the way.

But things were so much different this year. I mean there are not many things that stuffing me up.

Okay I lied.

Yes, there are not many things that I have to do involving responsibilities on other people. This time it's more like a "Me-Year". Which led to me having mixed feelings... on a lot of important things to me that I have think about.

and it sucks when these stuff bother me too much. I find it really hard to concentrate on other things that I really have to do. I have exams soon. So I have to study and I definitely cannot afford to waste any more time. But that's the thing, I got easily distracted whenever this topic came up. To the extent that it is spoiling my mood to do anything for the next few days.

and it sucks even more when I feel so lost and I just don't know what to do next. I wish everything is so certain. So I know what is going to happen next and I don't have to bother myself wondering and worrying whether I can cope. Being a weak person that I am, I get so stressed out because of all these. and I also get so emotional.

At times like these, I feel crying would help. But yeah, here comes the suck-iest part; I can't. I just can't. For quite a long time. Long enough for me.

So a few nights ago I had one of those weird dreams.And this dream ended with me in tears.

I woke up, but I wasn't crying. My eyes were not all teary (is there such word?) too.

Okay, I know. It is just a dream. But that's the thing... I was hoping and waiting for that to happen.

To be honest, I actually miss crying.

*sigh*

Sometimes I wonder, how is this possible? Why? Is it because I cried too much last year?

And sometimes I feel like I am losing my emotions. Like I am becoming heartless.

Ah, maybe I will. Soon. I can't just force myself on these kind of stuff.

Okay, I should stop. I have to continue studying. Which I should do hours ago. And I haven't started anything. Geez...

Oh what I feel like doing right now:

Cliff diving.

It looks fun, and dangerous as I am not a good swimmer. But I feel it is going to help myself to wake up and face the reality.

I really need a wake up call. Cuz right now I find myself enjoying the time in Pixie Hollow.

I am still wishing that I am living in Neverland.

7 facts.

Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

#1 - Random (or weird?) : According to my parents, I was a very quiet person. By the age of 2 plus, I can talk fluently and also read. But I refuse to talk and remain quiet. Can you believe it? I don't. Its hard to believe it seriously. Well at least for me.

#2 - Random: When we're small, Ayah used to drive a van. And we love it. Because the passengers seats area at the back is just for Adam and I. So we have space to play and have fun when we're travelling =)

#3 - Random: I was once fell hard on the concrete ground from the van. The head landed first. It was really really painful. I was probably between 2 1/2 - 3 years old. So imagine how small and short (and fragile) I was, and to fall off a van should be painful... well... at least for a kid.

#4 - Weird: I said it was painful, but actually I cannot remember how painful it was. Probably it is just an exaggeration.

#5 - Random: Okay I think it should be painful as my mom told me that fall left me a bruise on my forehead. Wait, what is benjol in English? I don't know :P (bimbo ok). Anyway, it is as big as a ping pong ball (I wanted to say tennis ball just now, but I think its unrealistic. Exaggeration again =P Cuz I think the tennis ball size cannot fit my forehead. Altho my forehead is quite wide). So I really think it is really bad.

#6 - Weird: That fall also has change me. I reckon there's one screw in my brain got loose. According to parents, since that incident, I have become talkative. I cannot stop talking. And I become loud, I am totally the opposite of who I was before I had this fall. LOL. I believe my weirdness, craziness start from this point of time too =P

#7 - Random: My forehead used to have red marks. Like I have rashes on my forehead. Well, it is not because of the incident or whatsoever, I think it is just my birthmark, that has faded away through time. I had it since I was born.

I am tagging:

Nana
Mia Suraya
Zalikha
Addamblack
Shaza
Iynas
Azah

Hah. There you go. Seven facts. Well, I honestly don't want to believe my parents of the story they have told me, but they don't seem like making it up. I have mentioned this story briefly before, in the old wonderland, but since I am looking for seven facts for this post, Nonie kept on asking me to write about this as point number one, so here it is, the whole story. I spread it out to seven points.

I actually have other random/weird facts about me, since I have already listed them up in my head (with help of my friends, of course... I can't think of one before... there are too many I guess), I think I won't mind sharing them with all of you. They are:

• My mom's childhood friend and one of my closest friends in Uni share the same name : Nonie. I bet even you have a friend/relative by the name Nonie. Am I right? Let me know if I am wrong.
• I can talk with my mouth filled with water.
• One of my sleeping habits: I sometimes responded to people when I am asleep, and after that I wake up not remembering a thing I have responded to them. For example, here's a story back when in the year 2006. I love Thursdays morning in Weir as they have hash brown. Morning breakfast is just until 9 something. So one fine morning Nana woke me up asking me if I want to have breakfast. I told her I don't want to. When I really woke up, I got mad at Nana for not waking me up for breakfast. She told me she tried, and she said that I told her before that I don't want to. And I was shocked, cuz I don't remember any of that.
• I am one chubby little girl (check out my FB for more pictures if you don't believe me. But I think you do, look at me now! Especially now. I am getting chubbier... sobs), my uncle called me Farah Debab. Now dah kurang debab, so he called me Farah Diba.
  
• I love posing for cameras. And I believe I have this gift of sensing the camera wherever I go. Haha.
• I am very forgetful I can't even remember the next point that I had just now.

I had a few more just now. Ah what to do, I am forgetful. Geez.

Maybe I should start keeping a list about random/weird facts about me. And let's see what I have by the end of this year.

Oh to others, if you feel like doing this tag, feel free okay! nudge me once you're done. I want to know =)

I am done with this. Let's hope I can have my blogging mood again.