Forgiveness is one of the primary keys to happiness.

Of losing those we love.

I am not writing about losing those who have passed away. Its more like, losing someone you used to be closed with.

I know, people change. What comes after us, what we experience, the path we have chosen, the decisions we make, how we treat people, how we are treated, the time we are given, the moments we shared, the opportunities that were taken away from us; these are some of the events that push us to change.

Its inevitable.

Sometimes I wish I stayed the same all the way. And sometimes I do wish I change. I know without realising I am changing too, maybe to certain extent I am still the same person. But some parts of me have changed.

So I know this too, sometimes these changes may lead to us to grew apart. I understand that. Perfectly, though I don't know if I am accepting that.

But I do wonder, which one is hurting me more?

Either,

We really grew apart that, when we meet up, we can't even hold a conversation for longer than 5 minutes. Like there's a huuugggeeee invisible wall in between us. I don't know what you're up to, what is new with you, how's work, or life, or who is your significant other? Are you currently dating? How's your friends, family, your cats or dogs or rabbits or any other kinds of pets- wait- do you even have one?

Simple questions like that were left unanswered, or maybe were not even asked?

Basically we just stopped sharing, although back then, we can't just stop talking about everything. Like, EVERYTHING LITERALLY.

Or,

We grew apart, as we were all set to our own adventures and/or due to some mishaps or sad events we were forced to not be so close anymore. But when we meet up, or bumped into each other, or just calling up to chat, we realize that the sparks are still there. We kept the conversation going, although I don't know why but it was cut short, but still, it ended up with me smiling from ear to ear. That feeling lasted for quite sometime. It felt super great to be hearing your voice, and knowing what you're up to, and probably feeling that I may be still important to you. Made me feel glad that we are at the same wavelength. Like nothing bad happened previously, like we are okay. We have been that way all along.

But then the disappearing happened again. Left me hanging with questions. Are we okay or are we not? Why are you drifting away? Are you running away from me? What did I do this time?

Sometimes it felt like maybe I can save this, and sometimes it felt like the end. Maybe it is impossible to get past what was done previously.

So, which one hurts more? I still wonder.

But do know this, I am not giving up on any one of you. They hurt, so bad. But never I will give up. You are so important to me.

And all along I believed I would find you, Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more

Currently listening to Christina Perri's A Thousand Years

Yang dirai #1

Nonie & Ikhsan - Tied the knot on 4 Feb 2012

Their Solemnization

Their Reception

 Yang dirai #2

Nana & Imran - got engaged on 5 Feb 2012

It was one of the most beautiful weekends I had in my entire life. Everything is just so perfect.
To both of you, Nonie & Nana, I am very happy for you both. Still can't believe they happened though, everything was so surreal! Now one of us has taken that BIG step, and another is on her way... I guess we are all grown up already :P And InsyaAllah, there will be little ones to join this family? hehe. My prayers are always with you all. May you have an everlasting love, and a beautiful marriage. Amin :)

p/s: Never felt so happy in a long time - I can even finish a burger at 2am! Have to say, that's really something, considering I have appetite problem for awhile now. So I have to thank you girls for that.

Really, thank you :)

I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it, even if I did I don't know if I will quit but I doubt it, I'm taken by the thought of it.

Currently listening to Ne-yo's Because of You


My travelling wallet was abandoned til last week.
Cuz finally I get to fly to the Borneo! Okay can tick that off my bucket list. I know, I am proud to be Malaysian, but so not proud of the fact that I've never been to certain places in Malaysia like Sabah, Sarawak, Kelantan & Terengganu. Boo Hoo.

Anyway let's save the KK journey for next time shall we? Back to my story...

While waiting for boarding time, I was going through that travel wallet. I forgot that I've been keeping some of my 'memories' there; like flight tickets, movie tickets, theater tickets, rugby tickets, concert tickets, my EFTPOS, my stamp cards for bubble teas, smoothies and coffees (or in my case is chocolate - I'm more of a chocolate person), some 'butterflies' from the Coldplay concert... pretty much it sums up the things I did when I was in NZ.

So I was excited and all the memories kept on rushing back in. Feels like I traveled thru time for a bit.

And my mom, being the mother started to point out how I can strive better in Uni if I don't play around too much. I agree with her. I mean c'mon, I know I can do better, definitely. If I pay attention more and if I put more passion into it. To me I've tried working hard for it, but I admit that I lack of passion when it comes to things I study back in Uni.

I paused for awhile. Then I realised something else. And I told her one thing

"Well Ibu, for me it was time well spent."

 I don't know. I know that I could've done better at Uni cuz I was this one annoying ambitious freak.

But I never regret how I spend my time over there. All these memories I have.

They're my most prized possessions when I'm living in NZ.

And to this date, I feel so blessed to graduate within my expected time to graduate. heh.

Alhamdulillah.

Next week is graduation week again. So I'm feeling more nostalgic than ever. Have I talked about stuff we do on the graduation week back in 2008? I can't recall. If I haven't maybe I will :)

The bitchiest of the bitches :)

p/s: only we can call each other that

The first to get engaged. Like I told them earlier, we could say that we are on the right track; the eldest of all got engaged first (and InsyaAllah, will be the first to marry someone! aminn). So if we were to follow birth dates, I'll be the second from the last person. Woop woop! no pressure for me, but with that I'm putting Aqilah under so much pressure now do I? hehe. 

Anyhoo, Nonie, like I've said almost everywhere I guess? congratulations girl! you look absolutely gorgeous on your special day, and everything else is just so puurrrdddyyy! And its nice to finally get to meet your then BF and now fiancee, and hopefully we get to know him better before the big day. No more keeping him from us! :P 

haha. okay. As if I'm engaged, and sharing the story of my engagement with Palie & Qilah, :P

But I love this photo none the less. 

I miss being with them. 

Sweet dreams are made of this, Who am I to disagree?, Travel the world and the seven seas, Everybody's looking for something

Currently listening to Emily Browning's Version of Sweet Dreams (are made of this). From Sucker Punch's OST.

I am so blessed to have all of them to celebrate Eid with. Alhamdulillah =)

p/s: maybe I'll blog more. If I feel like it :P

Got all these words, can't waste them on another, So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you, yeah.

Currently listening to OneRepublic's All This Time
been listening to them lately :)

Today. I googled my screen name up. It is kind of embarrassing, but who doesn't do that? Plus, there's a reason for it. Which is another story that I don't feel like explaining tonight - I'm sleepy already :P

So yeah. I googled myself up. But I am glad I did. You wanna know why? Because today I discovered something about myself.

Got one extra link down there. It was from that tap tap tap Camera+ blog. You know, that iPhone app I used to take photos and I share it with the world through the site called "mostly365"

Have I mentioned about mostly365 before? Ah tak ingat.

Anyway.

Apparently SEVERAL MONTHS back, way back in APRIL (my birthday month!), there has been one competition on using the new feature in that app, which is "Clarity".

The pics are chosen by the developer of the app, cum a popular photographer, Lisa Bettany

And guess what? I DIDN'T WIN. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I ENTERED THE COMPETITION. LOL.

BUT I GOT AN HONORABLE MENTION! ...along with tons of other people.

See?

And I don't care if the rest got them too, their pictures are all nice! Check it out yo.

MY first ever honorable mention! Maybe will be the only one. But I don't care about that too. The thing is, a famous photographer notice my photo! 

Showed it to my parents. And my mom was like "yes, Ayah and Luqman, I think you all should consider changing your hobbies or something...". My dad doesn't wanna believe me at first, but he can't deny that he likes my photo too.

LOL. Definitely the highlight of my day :D wheee. Well this past few weeks I realised that I've been lucky. Which is rare to be honest. But what the hell right? Celebrate it! Because,

Other than this discovery, I have another surprising news: I entered a competition on Cleo, which you have to text answers to some number. AND I ACTUALLY WON THIS:

The old and new Harajuku Lovers "Love". Well I had "Music" (far right) since ages ago :P

Apart from the two cute dolls, I also got Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B perfume, but I gave that to Nana cuz I know she loves it. 

Despite the fact that other parts of my life sucked, I think I am still blessed with good stuff too. Allah is fair. Alhamdulillah.

By the way, they've been showering me with stuff too:

Love em to bits! 

Which reminds me. I haven't blog about our trip down to Muar. Will post that one soon!

What a beautiful mess this is, its like picking up trash in dresses.

Currently listening to : Jason Mraz's Beautiful Mess


It should be a breezy week, but days were spent mostly to absorb more information, then only to have fun. So its not that breezy. Hah, maybe I still need that long holiday. Lets see if the extra 3 days with the bitches would give what I have been longing.

I am in Malacca by the way, wanted to take pics but my phone is sick, so I am disconnected most of the times. That's really sad. Because I do almost everything with my phone. I don't even carry a camera these days.

Gotta get it repaired asap.

That's about it, what  I have been doing for the past few days. Maybe will blog later if I feel like it. Right now, I am distracted with something else. So looking for other things to do to distract myself from this distraction, it feels like blogging is not it. Explains the short post eh?

Giving myself several days to be distracted. To have fun a little. Then I'll look for some me-time to absorb everything in, and think everything through and through.

Ya Allah, please give me strength. Amin.

Melodi indah yang kucipta, hanya untuk luahkan rindu padanya.

Currently on repeat: Aizat Amdan's Lagu Kita

So Jue & Mukrim tied the knot last weekend. She's my first close friend who got married!

Not gonna talk about it in detail, as I don't have the time :P. But it was simple, and beautiful. Weather was perfect. Crowd was good. Food was yummy, altho I don't get to eat much (sadd), and the performance is awesome! I love everything about it!

And I didn't have many photos of me.. because I was busy doing this:

Yeah. I'm one of the photographers of the day!

And to be specific...

Check out my camera - its huugee! Its actually the fuji instax!

Kind of a replacement for Polaroid. Since the Polaroid films are hard to find now, I decided to just change the camera/ LOL. It was quite an attraction. Since its quite big, and doesn't look like a SLR/DSLR

Anyway the "Instax project" was our gift to them. So not gonna reveal much here. ehe. 

It was tiring, but fun. And memorable! Since the whole event is kind of different. I dressed up differently too. Feels like I'm back in the 90s, as I used to wear dresses to kenduris when I was younger. However, those were all last-minute shopping. Do you like it? .. I looked a bit pregnant there didn't I? Oh well. 

That's about it for now. 

I guess this marks the point where I should look forward for more close friends' weddings. More to come next year maybe? InsyaAllah :)

p/s: thanks to Abu's friend, now I am in love with this song. Can't stop listening to it!::')

The best durian outing ever. I really think durian ni ada ganja. Everyone were like high. LOL. Well look at me.

♥♥♥

The reason why I can actually enjoy school

if only Nasra, Afrah & Qeela join us. Mesti lagi havoc!

Monday was miserable, although the iftaar was good. LOL. Yeh I treated myself Kluang Station's mee siam, sirap selasih and a toasted bun (which I finished them in just freaking 10 minutes :P), then the Auntie Anne's Almond Pretzel and the lemonade.

I am a beast nowadays I just feel like eating everything I can.

But then as I got home, I managed to finish watching Juvana, then I fell asleep, waking up in the middle of the nights with the kittens sitting on top of me, one was asleep too and the other was just watching me. His face is exactly right on my chin, so when I wake up I'll see his face, with the round eyes, looking at me. Then I took them into my room, and forgot to lock them in the cage, so when I woke up for the second time at 5 am I realized there r poop everywhere!

Oh I realized something - I never blogged about my new kittens. Oh well. Anyways.

Tuesday? I was sick! But that didn't stop me from doing what I've planned since the week before;

1. Outing with my high school friends
2. Morning walk, and karaoke with the crazies.

Basically I re-lived the good ol' times.

Seriously, selagi mampu, I'd do anything to re-live the good ol' days. And today? Although I was sick, the whole day was well spent.

It was worth it :)

So yes. Back to the Wiserable Wednesday :( Gosh, I want all this to end!

So finally, I got my hands on the book, Water for Elephants. Thanks to my mom, she's willing to buy the book and let me borrow it. Well I was not supposed to buy any books as I have tons of them to finish at home plus I was on a tight budget that time. LOL. That's fine. I just need to read it that's all. And it'll be in the house so yeh.

But just when I started to read it, one guardian angel actually invited me to join her to watch the movie - for freeee! Apparently when she bought the book it was really a good bargain because that's how she got the free movie tickets, AND a discounted price for the book. It's like you buy 2 movie tickets and you'll get the book for free.

She's one lucky lass.

Anyhoo. I think the movie is a bit torturing in a way, BUT only in some tiny parts. If you know me well, and you watch the movie you'll figure out why the movie is a torture to me :P Apart from that, I just love it. Okay, NOT JUST because Robert Pattinson is adorable and awesome in that movie, and also NOT JUST because Christoph Waltz is in there, as usual taking the controversial antagonist character. I love the storyline, the settings (Its a circus people. Its always magical to me!), we can see how the circus is run, the amazing elephant, the forever graceful Reese Witherspoon who potrays the character Marlena, and of course, the guys mentioned before :P. And it made me realize on how people won't care much about other people, or other beings especially during the desperate times.

..and somehow you have to take a huge step ahead to make a change. Well that change? It gives us hope. You just have to work hard for it.

But I have to finish the book first then only compare with the whole thing :) Like Never Let Me Go? Yes I've also watched the movie finally. Apparently the movie doesn't really affects me as much as the book. I like the movie nonetheless.

Anyhoo, thanks to Yasmin for inviting me. It's like one of our long-delayed-hang outs plus farewell hang out as she's going away to Ireland to do industrial training there. How cool is that?

If you are reading this, I wanna thank you for the free passes, and your time. Its always fun to hang out with you :) and please take a good care of your self, and don't forget to have fun while you are there. Take some time to appreciate the place, the people, the thing you're doing there, basically the life you're having. Oh, and stay awesome. Can't wait to see you when you get back so we could catch up more :)