Forgiveness is one of the primary keys to happiness.

Of losing those we love.

I am not writing about losing those who have passed away. Its more like, losing someone you used to be closed with.

I know, people change. What comes after us, what we experience, the path we have chosen, the decisions we make, how we treat people, how we are treated, the time we are given, the moments we shared, the opportunities that were taken away from us; these are some of the events that push us to change.

Its inevitable.

Sometimes I wish I stayed the same all the way. And sometimes I do wish I change. I know without realising I am changing too, maybe to certain extent I am still the same person. But some parts of me have changed.

So I know this too, sometimes these changes may lead to us to grew apart. I understand that. Perfectly, though I don't know if I am accepting that.

But I do wonder, which one is hurting me more?

Either,

We really grew apart that, when we meet up, we can't even hold a conversation for longer than 5 minutes. Like there's a huuugggeeee invisible wall in between us. I don't know what you're up to, what is new with you, how's work, or life, or who is your significant other? Are you currently dating? How's your friends, family, your cats or dogs or rabbits or any other kinds of pets- wait- do you even have one?

Simple questions like that were left unanswered, or maybe were not even asked?

Basically we just stopped sharing, although back then, we can't just stop talking about everything. Like, EVERYTHING LITERALLY.

Or,

We grew apart, as we were all set to our own adventures and/or due to some mishaps or sad events we were forced to not be so close anymore. But when we meet up, or bumped into each other, or just calling up to chat, we realize that the sparks are still there. We kept the conversation going, although I don't know why but it was cut short, but still, it ended up with me smiling from ear to ear. That feeling lasted for quite sometime. It felt super great to be hearing your voice, and knowing what you're up to, and probably feeling that I may be still important to you. Made me feel glad that we are at the same wavelength. Like nothing bad happened previously, like we are okay. We have been that way all along.

But then the disappearing happened again. Left me hanging with questions. Are we okay or are we not? Why are you drifting away? Are you running away from me? What did I do this time?

Sometimes it felt like maybe I can save this, and sometimes it felt like the end. Maybe it is impossible to get past what was done previously.

So, which one hurts more? I still wonder.

But do know this, I am not giving up on any one of you. They hurt, so bad. But never I will give up. You are so important to me.