I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it, even if I did I don't know if I will quit but I doubt it, I'm taken by the thought of it.

Currently listening to Ne-yo's Because of You


My travelling wallet was abandoned til last week.
Cuz finally I get to fly to the Borneo! Okay can tick that off my bucket list. I know, I am proud to be Malaysian, but so not proud of the fact that I've never been to certain places in Malaysia like Sabah, Sarawak, Kelantan & Terengganu. Boo Hoo.

Anyway let's save the KK journey for next time shall we? Back to my story...

While waiting for boarding time, I was going through that travel wallet. I forgot that I've been keeping some of my 'memories' there; like flight tickets, movie tickets, theater tickets, rugby tickets, concert tickets, my EFTPOS, my stamp cards for bubble teas, smoothies and coffees (or in my case is chocolate - I'm more of a chocolate person), some 'butterflies' from the Coldplay concert... pretty much it sums up the things I did when I was in NZ.

So I was excited and all the memories kept on rushing back in. Feels like I traveled thru time for a bit.

And my mom, being the mother started to point out how I can strive better in Uni if I don't play around too much. I agree with her. I mean c'mon, I know I can do better, definitely. If I pay attention more and if I put more passion into it. To me I've tried working hard for it, but I admit that I lack of passion when it comes to things I study back in Uni.

I paused for awhile. Then I realised something else. And I told her one thing

"Well Ibu, for me it was time well spent."

 I don't know. I know that I could've done better at Uni cuz I was this one annoying ambitious freak.

But I never regret how I spend my time over there. All these memories I have.

They're my most prized possessions when I'm living in NZ.

And to this date, I feel so blessed to graduate within my expected time to graduate. heh.

Alhamdulillah.

Next week is graduation week again. So I'm feeling more nostalgic than ever. Have I talked about stuff we do on the graduation week back in 2008? I can't recall. If I haven't maybe I will :)

I wanna do Eurotrip!

I wanna make him a "happy birthday post". But I guess that'll be too late. It's always like that, whenever I missed making a birthday post to a person, I'll just leave it be. Because it'll be wayy past the birth date for me to make a post for the person.

But I don't feel so bad though, as I will make sure that I personally wish them. Be it through FB or txt. I guess that's good enough. Hehe.

So whoever gets the birthday post from me, maybe you can consider yourself lucky? Haha. Well, it's just a post from me, nothing special there.

Anyway, Luqman is already in London. Yes, London!

You left home at the age of 18. Wow. That's something. Okay, I left when I was about his age too. Honestly I feel like you're still young. Like in high school at least. A sister still can't accept that her younger brother is growing up. Haha. Boo me!

But London is so far away. Especially when I am here, in NZ. We're 12 hours apart! The day he left home is the day that reality hits me hard; okay, although he's just going to be there for 6 months, but that is the point where I realized something. Most of us is all set to go our separate ways. Before, it was more like I'm here, and when I go back home to visit them, it'll be them waiting for me. Everyone is home to welcome me back.

Now? It's possible that when I get home, it'll be just Firdaus and my parents. Adam is always working. And Firdaus is Mr Busy; always have something to do. The "rising star" in my house as his schedule is so packed - he has school, then golf, then tuition, then more golf, and possibly other sports, if he can manage I know he will participate.

Luqman was always there to hang around with me. Now? If I am going home at the end of this year, I won't be seeing him waiting for me, to hang out with me. Or if I am going home at other times, when he's back, he'll be busy with uni.

Wow. But that's the thing, even I myself don't know when is my next trip home.

Possibly it'll be a one way trip. Or a return trip. Or there won't be any trip.

Somehow I sounded selfish here.

But that's how it feels like when someone is going away. It didn't impact me as much when I was the one who left.

Luqman, if you're reading this, I am so proud of you - you're chasing your own dreams and I am positive that you're at the right path. I always thought you'll leave home when National Geographic hired you. Guess you left earlier. Make it all worthwhile yeah? Take loads of photos for me, as I don't think I'll get the chance to reach that part of the world. Not now.

Oh, and don't forget to update me always - FB, offline msgs in y!m, txts, just don't forget me! But now we cannot gossip about Adam & Firdaus dah la. Have to wait til you come back :(

Miss you always dude! Take care!

Playing Geo Challenge on FB makes me wanna travel. ngaaa...

Adding up a challenge for myself.

She paid a visit, and just left a couple of days ago to Auckland. Sunday is going to be her last day here. The reason why she's here? Backpacking, for a month, Alone.

How cool is that?

One of the things that I really want to do before I die is to travel alone. I mean not just boarding on a plane alone to meet other people you know when you arrived. I wanna go visit a place or several places, and stayed there for couple of days, or maybe a week, or weeks, or months (okay that is ambitious) and I don't care where exactly that I want to go, it can be just a small beautiful island in my home country, or somewhere so far away. But actually it's fun to go to the one which is far away, it's even better if you go to the place which you don't even know the language.

Okay I love to imagine myself going to a place where I don't even understand what they're talking about and actually found someone who's a very nice cute guy nice enough to show me around, and in the end we become lovers good friends. Like (everyone guessed it) in the movies.

Well, to be in a place like that, is a very good challenge actually. But yeah, that is pretty ambitious too. Ah, I don't care. Anywhere will do. I just want to do it alone.

But that's the question that I have to ask myself; do I have the guts to do it?

I realized, I was never really alone. Okay coming here years ago was one of the biggest step I've made and done; moving from my own home to live at a totally unfamiliar place full of strangers. But then it didn't take long, not even a day for me to find new friends to be with. Alhamdulillah, I thank God for the peeps of my own batch. Yeah that's the thing. The stuffs I do alone so far was just you know, going to classes, studying at the library in between classes, walking back home or to uni, settling stuffs, and the longest time I spent time with myself alone is to travel back to my home country, or to come back here after the holidays.

And yeah, I still have that 'uneasy feeling' of talking to strangers that I see/met randomly, like at the cafes or in the public transports. I will bring a book, or a magazine with me if I were to eat alone. So I can be the perfect shy-untalkative-girl if you strangers saw me alone. Like I don't favour social interactions. Like I am a loner.

Sometimes I wonder how my mom does it. You know, just simply talk to strangers sometimes. She's wayy too friendly than I am. I can be a really awkward kind of person, you know, the one that can give you a big dew drop at the back of the head (like the japanese animes, I don't know how to describe that thing) or maybe left you with a big harmonious crickets sounds as the background music. Basically, I am a slow starter. There are times where I can give you a fast start, but only if I feel comfortable with the surroundings.

So what if I am just alone in a big busy city with just strangers, no familiar faces around me? I bet that's going to be rough. Probably I'll just end up talking to birds, or the stray cats that I saw while walking.

Probably I'll just stay on one particular spot, the one that I feel most comfortable. That will most likely be the motel room or just the bed right? Haha. Exploring will just be out of my to-do list.

Okay I think that's too much. If I wanna do this, I just have to prepare myself. Be brave. Positive. And just have fun. I have to gather all my guts and just do it. But when will that be? I don't know. Let's see. I need to have money, so because of that I have to work. Obviously not in the near future lah.

Kak Shaz inspires me to do what she'd done. I mean, I always want to do it, and when she's here, it just encouraging me more. She's so brave, and until now, I feel so proud of her. To be able to do that alone.

To Kak Shaz (with hope you're reading this), I really hope you enjoyed your stay here. I mean, there were not many places that I showed you around, and I hope I was being a good host. I felt guilty for just leaving you at home/alone not doing anything much. And really hope you'll come again before I go back to Malaysia for good. And during my holidays ke. So I can really take you to see other further places, and travel with you together. It's been fun having you around, and I thank you for visiting me. It feels so nice having a family member to be close/near to me when I am thousands miles away from my number one home.

And I am soo glad that you really love this:

I know you'll miss this, and I don't mind drinking it for you everyday. Its so freaking awesome even I can't get enough of it. And it's been years. Haha.

Selamat pulang ke Tanahair =)

Okay I think I have written a long post. And I am quite pleased with myself for this. I just want to have this vibe of blogging to share my everyday lives in this blog. Once I went through the posts I had, I realized lately I have become a broken record, I keep on repeating stuffs.

Hopefully this one is not something that I have repeated tho =P

Speaking of traveling, I can't wait for my exams to end (altho I don't study that much, will get back on to the books later...) so I can plan my holidays! Should I go somewhere cold, but has a fantastic view and has the highest bungy place ever (Queenstown) or somewhere a lot warmer to see Juju in Brisbane?

hmm... but I have to find ka-ching! first... so sad.

p/s: I wonder why but I never get bored of The Click Five's Empty. It is on repeat now. Okay I need to study.

and I just had to share this...

I got this txt from Nadiah Bgaj earlier this afternoon:

"Smalam I mimpi we both are on Amazing Race. N we suck big time. Hahaha. We were at the airport late for our flight and I shouted at you to hurry but you cakap 'jap jap I nak shopping!'"

Thanks babe for sharing this with me! How I wish I was the one who dreamed of going on a race! You know, I really wanna travel the whole world, kalau mimpi pun jadi lah kan? ehehehehehehe.

But I wonder how on earth can I think of shopping while I am on the race?

This txt really brighten up my gloomy day. Thanks again Bgaj! *HUGS*

How just a small gesture can make your heart smile. hee.

Oh and how I wish I live in my dream...