If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

#1

If you're a mess, you better just don't get others to be involved in your messiness.

Like, if your life is a mess, you better try to clear it up. I think its unfair for you to pull them in too. Unless, no matter how much you push them away, there they are, sticking around with you. Wanting to be in.

#2

If we're in a mess, maybe we do need some people in. The positive ones especially. Or maybe we need that help. After going through the tough times alone.

Maybe 1 person is enough. But will there be that one person?

#3

If you're in a mess, probably its best for you to find someone who is in a mess too. Maybe you both will understand each other best, no? Probably. And probably that could be your cure?

#4

Wait, who isn't in a mess? and who is?

#5

And I know I have been looking for silver linings, and Alhamdulillah slowly I am seeing them clearly. Or so I thought.

#6

Of watching Silver Linings Playbook.

There is nothing to hold you back except you. And there is only one question to ask yourself: “What would you do if you were not afraid?” Think about it.

As I scrolled through the list of movies released in 2012 I notice that I haven't been watching much. As expected, but that's okay. 

Anyhoo,

Today I kicked off the year by watching one 3-hour-long (okayy 2hrs 57 mins to be exact! but almost three right?) movie;

"Cloud Atlas"

“Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”

“I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And i’ll be waiting for you there.”

“‘He who would do battle with the many-headed hydra of human nature must pay a world of pain and his family must pay it along with him! And only as you gasp your dying breath shall you understand, your life amounted to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean!’

Yet what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?”

“Every choice we make has the potential of changing the world.” 

“a half-read book is like a half-finished love affair”

”Moments like these, I can feel your heartbeat as clearly as my own, and I know that separation is an illusion.”

“Our lives and our choices, each encounter, suggest a new potential direction. Yesterday my life was headed in one direction. Today, it is headed in another. Fear, belief, love, phenomena that determined the course of our lives. These forces begin long before we are born and continue long after we perish. Yesterday, I believe I would have never have done what I did today. I feel like something important has happened to me. Is this possible?”

*                 *                *

Sure, lately I dozed off in pretty much anything that I watched at home, no matter how interesting the movie is. Well... shamefully it does include this one. But I didn't dozed off for long, maybe 5 minutes? haha then I will just rewind to the scene where I left off and continue. 

So it actually took me more than just 3 hours to finish this one, and honestly? Its my time well spent. 

That particular still I shared above is the reason why I wanted to watch the movie in the first place. And I am glad I did. Because I think the picture says it all, it's beautiful and it's intriguing and it's inspirational and it's magical... well all the good words that could describe something might be used here, but right now I am not that articulate that I can't really recall what word should I use. heh.

Well I seldom write now, or maybe because I write more on feelings.. and work so yeah, more like I'm having writer's block at the moment.

The movie is pretty much confusing at first so you need to concentrate on watching. They have like 6 different stories compiled into one, and they somehow related as one story will produce one journal, or a novel, or a movie, etc that will be shared in another story. Pretty much it shows how one deep, inspirational thought, or one work of art, or one beautiful composition, or one written book or journal or screenplay by someone inspire and influence another. And somehow contributes to develop on how we feel, interpret or see about something. 

Which is so true. I like how they emphasize that in this movie. Without us realizing we are influenced by the thoughts of others. How I wish we are independent of our own thoughts, but no matter what, how we view and accept what life is by experience the life itself, and sharing it with others. When we share that's when we start depending on how they think, or how they feel. Like how I believe strongly, in most things, even to choose to be conservative firstly you have to be open minded. Or to accept people first you have to judge. You can't just accept things blindly. So to be that, we experience and we share.

So back to the topic, I think this movie really put up that idea out there. 

After watching it then only I realized that it is actually based on a book. Made me want to go find the book pronto! hehe also I realized maybe this movie has made the book more interesting. Okay I can't say much because I haven't read the book, but I could be right. Correct me if I'm wrong if you have read it. 

Because they used the same actors (mostly) for all six stories. So in a way it seemed like they're reincarnated, they have lived in 6 different eras in different characters. But no matter what, some things remain unchanged.

Like, if you're destined to be together, no matter which life you are in, you will still be destined together. Or if you're betrayed by someone, chances are they're going to betray you again, and again in another life too. If you're connected, then you will be. 

Isn't that great? I like that idea so much. 

Okay before anything let me just made it clear that no, I don't believe in reincarnation. I believe in after-life though. But I just like the theories that I come up from watching the movie. 

But if we were to compare it with after-life, minus the betrayal part, that love part is true. You'll end up with the person til the end of time, insya Allah. If itu jodoh you, di syurga (aminn) juga akan bertemu. chewah! 

The connection between the characters also relates to what they're gonna do in this world. Some will do good, and keep on doing good. Serving the humanity and saving them. Some will just be bad, and some! They changed, from doing bad then they'll change to be a hero. 

Well for us, it doesn't need to be a change of era, or a reincarnation for us to change to be better. So that's somehow a good reminder yes? 

There are other things, other good things, that I would love to share about this movie, but I am pretty occupied with something else now. Plus I just can't think of how to write them. Maybe next time. If I feel like it. When the mood kicks in again. 

Looking back, there are not many movies that I watched this year, but I am glad that I didn't miss some of them, like:

Will find time to blog about them too. Next time :)

Now, to find Cloud Atlas book, and to start reading it. Oh, and to give some thought to the reminder posted above.

If I broke your heart last night, It's because I love you most of all.

Currently listening to Ryan Gosling's You Always Hurt the One You Love

You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall

You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can't recall, so
If I broke your heart last night
It's because I love you most of all

*          *          * 

“How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?”

"I think the only way you can find out is to have the feeling. You're a good person. You have the right to say I do trust. I do trust myself."

*          *          * 

"I don’t know, I just feel like I should just stop thinking about it, you know, but I can’t. Maybe I’ve seen too many movies, you know, love at first sight. What do you think about love at first sight? You think you can love somebody just by looking at them? But the thing is man, I felt like I knew her, you ever get that feeling? Yeah, I probably don’t right…it felt like I did though. […] She just seems different, you know? I don’t know, I just got a feeling about her. You know when a song comes on and you just gotta dance?”

*          *          * 

So I just watched this movie. And here's some lyrics, and quotes that I picked up. Particularly towards the start of their relationship. 

The doubts. The faith. The illusions. The expectations. The outcome. 

All comes down to that one feeling. All are depending on it.

Maybe one day I can be sure of all these myself. 

To be honest, it sucks when the feelings go away. Especially when they aren't yours. So you're stuck. And watch another just take another step forward. And all you can do is to accept fate with all your heart. 

Well.

It's about the perfect timing, that I can't even control. And about the right person. And with the right perfect reason. Then everything will just fit perfectly. 

Feelings won't go away. The worst that could have happened would be, that it may get lost somewhere. But will be found back. 

I'm praying, and I'm hoping. 

And now that you've taken me up so high, Don't let me down..Don't let me down.

Currently on repeat : Corinne Bailey Rae's Paris Nights/New York Mornings

Joel & Clementine - Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

We are fated to meet. And we are fated to stay.

And no matter what we do to erase each other from both of our lives,

If we are meant to be. We'll meet again. And again. And again. 

Just like Joel & Clementine. 

I realised this year I watch more rom-coms than actions. That's odd, to be honest. But I know why.

I usually opt to watch action/sci-fi/adventure movies on cinemas.
But I don't have time to go.
And when I am home? I opt for something lite, like comedies, and romantic comedies.
So? Yeah. Hence why I always ended up watching them more now.

Its sad really. Everyone was like "ohh, have you watched Captain America?" and I'll be like "Well... I missed out Thor... and pretty much the rest."

SADDDDDDDD :(

Paint my face right so I can be a pantomime.

Currently listening to Operator Please's Pantomime

When Sirius died, I was frustrated. But not that sad. I remembered there's a girl in my school who broke down into tears because of this. I think that was a bit funny. Okay I'm evil :P
When Dumbledore died, I got mad. But at the same time anticipated. You know this time, it is all down to Harry Vs The Dark Lord.

Okay, that was book #3 and #6. Come to think of it, I didn't get really emotional reading them all. Until book #7 comes out.

That's when I felt like I am a part of it. Like I am one of them. I got really emotional when Hedwig was attacked. Haha. Okay that's a lil bit too much isn't it? But yeah that's me alright. Then I got even more upset when Lupin & Fred were killed.

Even more and more upset when! Snape is dead.

Never thought that would bother me so much, considering that I was annoyed by his character at first, and I kind of expecting it to happen. You know, why he's done what he did.

Maybe its because of the detailed explanation, a whole chapter of it. It was well written, and it changes most people perception towards the man himself. Including mine.

Usually people will choose the book over the movie(s). But for me? Not with the seventh book. I think the idea of having 2-part movie to cover the final book is brilliant. They didn't leave out the details so much so that's great. Even better that, they somehow manage to make it more real. 'Amplifying' what's already in the book.

Truth is, it really stirs up the emotions that you already feel when reading the book.

I almost cried watching Hedwig fall from the sky, watching Hogwarts was tear down into pieces, watching the others got killed.

And.... I almost weep watching the Snape part.

It was really that good.



But sadly, now it is over. My childhood has ended.
But I am glad I grew up with it :)

*flicks the imaginary wand and taps on the imaginary Marauder's Map*

 MISCHIEF MANAGED.

Alice: Well, when I was lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But who'd ever think to look for me here? 
[sigh] 
Alice: Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. 

Alice in Wonderland, 1951

I think out of many cartoon/fictional characters in this world, I can relate to her the most. 

I am Alice. Well, I think this applies to all the girls in this world. 

pyramid, we've built this on a solid rock, it feels just like it's heaven's touch, together at the top (at the top baby), like a pyramid

Currently listening to Charice's Pyramid

Tom: You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit? It sucks.

Summer: What do you mean?

Tom: Ah you know, destiny, and soul mates, true love and all that childhood fairy tale nonsense. You were right, I  should've listened to you.

Summer: No.. 

Tom: Yeah, why are you smiling?

Summer: Tom...

Tom: What? why are you looking at me like that?

Summer: Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband. 

Tom: Yeah. And... so? 

Summer: So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right. 
Tom: No. 
Summer: Yeah, I did. [laughs] 
Summer: I did. It just wasn't me that you were right about. 

So they played this movie last weekend. I guess this movie always pull people to stick their eyes on the TV and watch. And hating Summer at the end.

LOL. I don't know. At some point I can relate myself to Summer, and at some other point I can relate myself to Tom.

Maybe most of the times Tom. haha.

Anyhoo.

Sometimes a movie needs to be watched over and over to get to different perspectives of it. Its like what you grasp from it is different every time. Agree?

I don't quite remember what I get from watching it the first time, or the second time. I don't even remember how many times have I watched this movie. I reckon, to include the time I watched on a Sunday night, it would be 3 times? Or 4? tah! Or maybe more? pfft. Whatever.

Maybe the first time is the bitch slap of reality. This is reality. What really happens. You don't always get what you want. You could be wrong; a person whom you think is your soul mate could be not your soul mate. Maybe he/she would just be someone who will open up a different direction in life for you. Who will teaches you something. But not going to be someone who'll spend the whole life with you.

I think that's the first. Was trying to recall my conversation with friends right after this movie. I remembered saying "er.. actually I can relate myself to Summer." hahaha. And then I said "I love this movie. Its real!"

Okay so maybe that's the first thing I picked up in this movie.

This time around? I picked up about fate.

I don't know exactly why only now this thing just clicked in my mind. Obviously because I am getting older and naturally you'll be thinking about it. Duh!. But yeah it just clicked in recently.

But yeah, fate. It sucks you know, to bear the fact that fate doesn't come in easy. If you are lucky, you'll get it early. If you don't, you'll be anxious and bitter just to wait for it. Sometimes you don't have the patience to wait for it, so you'll end up with nothing. You question yourself this everyday "when will be the time for me?" "will it come? or it won't?" "what if you missed it already?".

To be in Tom's shoes at the point where he and Summer had that conversation? Its one of the hardest moments one can get. To know that 1. He/She's not fated to be with you, when you were positive that he/she is supposed to be 'the one'. 2. He/She found hers first! and you? You're alone! 3. You have got to be happy, or at least pretend that you are happy for him/her with sincerity.

And yeah, to get reminded again, that fate doesn't come in easy, and your time is not now. And those questions starting to pop in mind. That sucks big time.

But that is life. You just have to accept it. Like how I just accepted fate. Apparently I just realized that over time, I lose myself not believing in fate anymore. Or rather, I believe that I am destined to be alone.

Whatever it is its dangerous. Because fate is what I have to believe in. Its what Qada' & Qadar is about too, well correct me if I'm wrong.

I admit, at my age? I shouldn't give up on anything. But somehow it feels like I have given up. Like I am trying to learn to be alone. Its some kind of a preparation, maybe.. ugh hopefully not! I don't want to die being a bitter old virgin. er OK.

So yeah. I should go back to square one right? Bismillah.

p/s: I think Fox Searchlight Pictures is awesome. I love their movies. Most of them. So is the (500) Days Summer OST. What I noticed about the movie in the first place anyway - awesome soundtrack :)

Finally watched this. I realized that I enjoy watching Natalie Portman. Somehow I adore her more now, after Black Swan - to me that's like her peak in her career (although her other movies are awesome too) , after reading her interview in the Andy Warhol's Interview, and after I can rap along with her (not completely though) whenever I'm stressed out. 

Well, the main reason to watch this is obviously because of Ashton. And apparently his character, Adam makes me love this movie even more. Someone who made a period-mix and stay up with you the whole night when you're down with mood swings? A KEEPER alright. Well, that's just one.. and I'm too lazy to list down the rest. Like the character Emma (the female lead - Portman's character) said "He has the best heart.". 'Nuff said. 

I am not exactly a fan of roms-coms. I mean I can make a short list of which movies that I can watch over and over again. But now I can't even remember which one I like. On top of my head there's... tah. I'll think of this and make a list later lah :P BUT! definitely this one is on the list now. Actually I already replayed it a few times, just to listen to my favourite scenes. LOLOL. 

The mellow side of me huh? 

Anyhoo, I think this is the best Friends with Benefits movies. Well I haven't watched the one with Justin Timberlake + Mila Kunis (titled "Friends with Benefits". LOL). But Idk, maybe that one can't beat No Strings Attached. We'll see :)

the actors, the director, the story line, the setting... well I think everything looks promising here. I'm looking forward for this :)

so why don't we go, somewhere only we know?

Currently listening to The Glee Cast version of Somewhere only we know

You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids, likes kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yea, a nice smile just might do it.

Alex Goran, Up in the Air

This. Made me feel old. Or have I just stopped trying?

I'd like to think that I have an old soul like that :P

And I can hate your girl, I can tell you that she's real pretty, I can take my clothes off, I cannot fall in love.

Currently listening to Rilo Kiley's The Frug

Played this in the background to keep me going.

That mother and son scene (played by Julia Roberts & Bryce Robinson) left me teary eyed... again. Even after the second time watching it. That part is beautiful. Always have.

The rest are pretty much, like normal love stories (duh.) heh.

Throughout the week, during the nights that I cannot sleep and while doing work, I also watched these: 

Social Network: is Mark Zuckerberg really a jerk?

I think the cast is brilliant. Never watched any of the Eisenberg's movies. Always wanted to try but missed his movies at the cinemas and couldn't find them from others. Well I must say he's really good. So is Andrew Garfield. This guy? He's going to be on my must-watch list. Okay fine, he is cute, but was not too appealing to me. He seems to be promising. Gut feeling says that he's gonna be huge! But hey, even the singing-machine-funny-man Justin Timberlake and our famous London Tipton - Brenda Song were impressive okayy.

Felt smarter after watching this. LOL. Okay and also made me do my scripting faster. It inspires me that much. 

Black Swan: Perfection can kill

This movie scare the shit out of me. Reminded me how perfection can kill you - a good one yes? Well one of many reasons why I look forward to this movie is Mila Kunis. She's my girl crush number 1. LOL. And Natalie Portman - I am always a fan of her movies and I think by far, this is the craziest, most psychotic role she had. She deserves the Oscar. Seriously. And I love it how they portrayed what could be the pressure these ballet dancers are under. Ugh thinking about this movie makes me sick. 

Anyhoo. I need to "steal" time for The King's Speech and 127 Hours. Saw a glimpse of that (127 Hours) movie while doing work at Abang's office (yes up to that extent - doing work at others' office spaces =P) and yes its really inviting. Ugh tempted to go watch it now. 

Ok need to sleep. Nanite. 

When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part.

Currently listening to John Mayer's Dreaming with a Broken Heart

INCEPTION. The main reason why I love this movie is because of the storyline that revolves around one of my favorite topics - dreams.

One thing that I learn/started to believe from watching Inception is that, dreams are what YOU created from what you think about, or from your subconscious mind. They have NOTHING to do with signs or whatsoever.

It is one of the bitch slaps of reality that I got. Because before this, for every dream, a vivid one especially, I just can't help but to question myself "why?"

It felt as if there must be a message, or a reminder, or a sign behind every dream. So that kind of disturb me  for the whole day. Or maybe more. Well, being someone who loves to think too much.

There is a lot of things about dreaming that I learn from watching Inception. Honestly I don't know if they are actually factual, or just total made up just for the movie. Or maybe it could be some kind of a person's interpretation about a dream. But to me they make sense.

But I have to re-watch the movie to list down what about dreams that I learned. Heh. I haven't got the chance to watch it for the second time. Anyway,

So today, after quite a long time, I had one of those vivid dreams.

One thing about dreaming is that, there are the kinds of dreams that you love or you hate.

The ones I love are the kind of dreams that can make me smile, even if its just for awhile. Sometimes for me, to have dreams at night meaning your imagination still runs wild. And that's what I want - to still have imagination.

I enjoy having the the ones which do not make sense. Like for instance, the adventure type where I have to kill of zombies, or the one that I am friends with the Big Bang Theory nerds, and the sober Raj Koothrappali actually talked to me or maybe the fairy-tale type like me being the side kick to a prince to help a damsel in distress princess. I should have documented them down so probably if I am going to be dead broke one day I could be like JK Rowling, I can start writing. Then I can do something like Stephenie Meyer - where her Twilight Saga was inspired from her own dream. I was too late, because when I started putting them down in words since early last year then, somehow I just stopped dreaming.

The ones I hate? Are the ones about my tragic deaths or events, or the ones which I thought were real, but then I suddenly woke up and realize... the reality was nothing like the dream. Left me feeling so disturbed. Like today.

Maybe the impact on me is even bigger as I haven't had these kinds of dreams for some time.

And what disappoint me is that, I thought I believe differently now. But somehow when I woke up? It was as if I was made to believe that everything was really happening. Until I realize that, it is not. It won't. When I know it won't, I started questioning myself why? what is up with the dream?

Maybe because I want it so much to happen, so I want to believe there's an underlying sign behind it.

Well, right now I conclude yes there are signs behind the  dream - to remember not to wish for something I cannot have or to wish for an impossible thing to happen, to be grateful and to be reminded that DREAMS ARE OF YOUR OWN CREATION.

and it won't be long until you'll be running cause i'm evil.

Currently listening to Bat For Lashes' Siren Song

Last night was weird. Its like one moment I'm okay, laughing, talking and stuff. The next? It was as if I was intoxicated - more like walking sideways, felt like the world is moving wayy too fast then I threw up at the back of a building (not going to mention where :P)  - wasted much? lol. Didn't dare to drive home so called my parents asked them to come over and drove me home.

Thank God Nana was there to wait for me til my parents come. I don't know what will happen if she's not there. She's such a sweetheart ♥♥♥ love you bitch :D

Still have no idea what causes it. Doctor said it was migraine (I can have a long post talking about this. wasn't happy with her), parents suspect is the dinner cuz I kinda think the sashimi weren't so fresh and I don't like the Chawanmushi - but I never had prompt reaction to food before. Luqman : I dah agak dah you akan jatuh sakit. YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH. Well I thought it could be because of my new powered club master. Although this problem occurred to me before, still it doesn't really make sense cuz I never got the chance to wear em yet. I've been trying on and off though so maybe that could be it?

All my life I remembered feeling super dizzy til I felt like throwing up/fainting or need to sit down and close my eyes on several occasions:

a) motion sickness - when I was small I cannot go through a long winding road without sleeping. Well actually up until now I still have the same prob, its not so severe now though. I still cannot sit inside a closed ferry as I need the fresh air. And I can't go on that tea cup ride. LOL.

b) jet lag - this happened when I was 11 on a trip to Gold Coast. But that's just one time.

c) changing my spectacles - once when I made a new one for myself (with new power) and after a few hours wearing it I started to see the world spinning - like being on that tea cup ride. That was horrible as I kinda need the new specs at the same time I can't wear them just yet. And I don't know if its related, I was doing my internship that time and I started not recognizing voices, and since I took off my glasses I can't see people much for that day, and had to endure the dizzyness at work. Pfft.

Ah well, anyway,

1. I think the past week has not been really good to me. 

2. TOO MUCH WORK yet here I am babbling. Can't seem to start though *sigh*. So maybe this will help. Let's hope it will.  

3. Do you know our "No-Pay-No-Say" trip to Malacca has been postponed? or maybe cancelled, I don't know :(

4. And most likely we won't be going to Langkawi too :((

5. I think my mom got fed up that my life revolves too much around work. Like when I know there's some free time it'll be for work. Well, its something that I gotta do. But... at the same time I kinda understand why she's not so happy about it. Sorry bu :(((

6. INCEPTION HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR AND I HAVEN'T MADE A POST ABOUT THEM.

7. Which reminds me, Oscars coming meaning - I have to find the following movies

• Social Network
• The King's Speech
• 127 Hours
• Black Swan
• Biutiful (for Javier Bardem's sake :P) 

And yes for the love of Jake Gyllenhaal I am looking for Love and Other Drugs. Anyone care to share?

8. I don't know why but I do wonder if Bruno Mars is gay. Maybe because deep down I find his songs are too good to be true. They are just what women always wanted to hear from a guy, and that's that. It is no real. Fine, I'm evil. I know. 

9. Work time. Time for work. 

And I can't remember life before her name.

Currently listening to: John Mayer's City Love

 

Girl at the playground : All right, so you're in love.
Charlyne: I'm not in love! You're in love...with Chris Brown.
Girl at the playground: At least I admitted it.
Nick: She got you on that one, Chuck.

Charlyne: What would your advice be for someone who isn't sure if they're in love and will find love?

Boy at the Playground: Well, I would say take a minute and look at your life. Look at the person that you think likes you. Find out for yourself.

Charlyne: All right. 

Watched this yesterday. Was at first convinced that its a documentaty - then realized its actually not. Its just a story about a team who is creating a documentary about love. Somehow reminded me a bit of (500) days of summer, although they're different.

And I can relate myself a lot to Charlyne Yi in this movie.

Typical single girl. See? I'm common.

One inspiring movie - the interviews, the story about the interviewer (Charlyne Yi) - everything is inspiring. Gonna re-watch it again because it was noisy when I watched it so I can't concentrate.

Now I have this mood to watch (500) days of summer. And The Wicker Park. And Jeux d'enfants.

I guess they're like my all-time fave movies, about love.

Just like a song in my heart, Just like oil on my hands, Oh.. I do love you.

Currently listening to Corinne Bailey Rae's Just Like a Star

My sleeping pattern has gone haywire again. It'll be like, 2-3 hrs of (interrupted) sleep, then working full swing the next day. So what I'll do is to try to sleep a little bit early the next day - just to gain back the energy. Lately I have been "like walking on clouds" - I feel like floating. So I know I am losing a lot of my energy, and blood. Plus, I just can't stay awake if I don't have enough sleep the day before.

So there's this one night I wanted to do work, but the brain has decided to stop working, I figured it's time for me to at least get some rest. I told Firdaus to let me nap, and wake me up at midnight. I didn't lie down on my back as I thought this is just going to be a nap, and sitting may help me to wake up easily.

While I was napping Adam got back and not knowing of the situation, he was trying to wake me up. I remember telling (or pleading?) him to let me sleep as I haven't got enough of it at the night before. Then I realized he put something on my small breakfast in bed laptop table (actually it's Firdaus'), so while telling him to stop waking me up, I opened my eyes, and I saw that thing.

 I recognized it straight away, and that made me grin from ear to ear. Then I heard Adam mumbled, then I just continued sleeping.

The next day, I went to him and showed to him that thing he gave me -

FM: Me
AA: Adam

FM: Abang, is this for me?
AA: I had a few already, but yeah you can have it. Isn't that what you really want before? You know, during the war dulu-dulu...
FM: HAHAHAHAH. Yes! oh.. wait, so am I dying soon?
AA: Farah, we're both going to die remember. They're both dead in the end.
FM: heee *grinning* Thank you Abang!

Then I went away happily.

Well, what he gave was this

To those who love Studio Ghibli movies may recognize this candy & the significance of it. Because we were referring to this movie

 

Grave of the Fireflies

A movie about an abandoned brother & little sister who were trying hard to survive during the war in Japan.

You gotta watch it if you havent.

Whatever it is, I am still surprised on how I can still recognize the box. I think the last time I watched that movie was  in... 2008?

Anyhoo, I think my brother can be awesome...sometimes :P Hah, my BFFY ;)

Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling, tell me baby, where did I go wrong?

currently listening to Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares to You

lovegivesmehope:

I have been deaf ever since I was 3 years old.

Everyone treats me differently and sometimes I feel like I don’t belong.

But today, when I walked into school, the guy I like started to talk to me in sign language. He said he’s been learning for a year so he could tell me he loves me.

Nolan, you GMH.

Last Saturday Astro Prima (or was it Astro Ria?) aired a telemovie by Khabir Bhatia - Keabadian Cinta (they aired this at Astro Citra sempena V-day but I wasn't here to watch. Wait do I even have Astro Citra? idk :P). Do you know him? He's famous for the movies Cinta & Sepi; movies that have a few short stories which the characters are connected to each other somehow at some point of time. That's his trademark I guess, but I'm not too sure of this cuz I haven't watch Setem yet. Maybe its not of the same style, but still about love?

Anyway, Keabadian Cinta is also another short stories combined into one long movie. This time, instead of 5 stories like Cinta, it's just 3; one is about an english boy and a malay girl who are preparing for their wedding. Problems arise when the bride's family is pushing him a bit too much on making him to follow their way. If you get what I mean. Another one is about a girl who fell in love with her father's bestfriend. The guy is in his 40s and single, and didn't know that the girl is his bestfriend's daughter. And, my favorite part in the movie will be the third story - about a deaf dude who fell in love with a blind girl.

I am always a sucker for this. To be honest I did wonder what happened if I fell in love with someone as special as that? Like someone blind, or deaf, or a mute? or someone who depends on a wheelchair (okay but now I am just going to concentrate on deaf/blind/mute, someone who needs another 'language' to communicate with). You'll never know who you will end up with, yes? I always wanted to learn sign languages, or braille. Well, not because of that what-if situation ok? I just feel like it's cool to be able to communicate with them. Sometimes during the time I took public transportation to go to client, I will observe many kinds of people, including those who communicate using sign language. Although I feel like everyone can know what they're talking about, but I still wish that I know the language. Come to think of it, I don't think others would understand unless they learn how. So yeah, no one knows except for them.

Not that I have a deaf friend. Or a mute friend. But I do have a blind person whom I am close with - Kak Nah. She's still blind you know. Its sad that I cannot see her. And spend time with her. Sometimes I just wish that I can spend time taking care of her like how she takes care of me back then.

I always wish her well.

Okay back to my topic. Falling in love with special people.

To know that people would go that far in making another person happy is just... wow. Would I go a mile more for someone I love? In that movie, at first the deaf guy didn't thought about going to learn Braille, and I don't know why. Maybe its just the drama part. Its a bit sad when the girl was like pouring her heart out saying "no matter how much I fell in love with you, we can't be together because you're deaf and I am blind" (rephrased quote ye), he was just like watching without hearing a word she was saying, but maybe he understood from her expressions. And of course because his friend/aunt was there to watch maybe they explained to him soon after.

And after he learned Braille he wrote "cinta tak perlukan mata, tak perlukan telinga, cinta cuma perlukan hati." (love doesn't need eyes, or ears. love only needs a heart - direct translation ehe).

I was so touched.

Now I fell in love with that movie. How I wish I can watch it over and over. Sadly I don't think I can. I don't think they sell the dvd.

And now this. I came across the LGMH story just now while tumblring. A guy learnt sign language to tell his deaf love interest he loves her.

How small gestures like that bring a huge impact on us.

Oh. Maybe I should start learning. I have been thinking about learning sign language/braille for quite sometime. hurm. but when?

Don't care about all the pain in front of me, I'm just trying to be happy.

**omg this post is quite long... so harap maklum ;)**

It was raining during the take off. Radiohead's Last Flowers till the Hospital was playing at that time. Layan giler. The clouds are pretty thick today. Ah, it was heavily raining since four! How I wished I was in my room soaking up the smell while lying down on my bed. But that's okay. Anyway, looking at these clouds make me wonder how nice would it be if I can skydive now. Although it's scary but I guess that's the thrill I've been looking for - surprising myself as I can't really see what's down there when these clouds are covering the whole sky, making the earth hidden. Maybe I will feel that I jump higher.

And I have never thought, or maybe I have but never register it in my head, on how great it is to be flying like a bird through the clouds, or maybe like how we always see what the Greek Gods were doing - sleeping on them. I rarely sit near the window, often I opt for the aisle seat - choosing convenience over the fun of letting your imagination run wild around these beautiful clouds or scenery outside. Playing in my iPod, the Latika's Theme to accompany this trip is a very good choice too. I love that song cuz it makes me feel calm & contented. Like life is always beautiful.

How I wish. kan?

Anyway, this fella sitting next to Luqman is reading 120 Malay Movies. That book looks interesting. Feel like asking him about the book, but then, he's a stranger, and I am one (to him) too. I feel a bit shy(well I'm always shy when it comes to strangers! :P) plus, a stranger - I still have that "never talk to strangers" vibe in me so yes. Ended up, I just observe the book from a far. I think I will look for that book when I get the chance ;)

Talking to strangers. Sometimes I do have that barrier, but sometimes I can go pass it, like during long journeys to Wellington/ from Wellington to KL, I had some conversations with the passengers. The longest I had was with a french man (3 yrs ago?), as at that point of time it was just me and him sharing one aisle so if he didn't talk to the beautiful flight attendants, he'll be talking to me. Can't remember much on things we talked about, maybe one of the conversations that we talked about was about movies. He recommended me to watch this one Michael Moore's documentary; not the 9/11 one though. Maybe I'll give that one a shot. One day. Lately I have less time to watch dvds. Sad, really. Cuz right now I have listed a few dvds that I want to watch, or rewatch.

That includes Inglourious Basterds, Sin City, Jeux d'enfants (as usual!), The Men Who Stare at Goats, Whip It, Adam, My Name is Khan, Fantastic Mr Fox, The Cove, and the most current one is Valentines Day. Just came up with that one cuz the talk to strangers on the plane thing was also one of the most meaningful part of the movie. That's like the last movie I watched in NZ, before I head home. Gosh rinduu Reading Cinemas!

These list do not include the ones I wanna watch on cinemas. LOL.

Anyway back to our topic. Random thoughts on the airplane.

Once I blogged about wanting to watch the planes take off. Do you know where can I do that here in Malaysia? Either Sepang or Subang I don't care. I just wanna have a day spent watching the planes took off. Maybe that's a bit dull, and boring after a few flights. But I don't know. I still want to do it.

Actually theres a lot on my to-do list. Sheesh. A lot to achieve, yet so little time...

Speaking of which, I read one of the articles in Cleo Magazine that was about achievers & people who seek for a contented life. It highlights that there are people who is never satisfied and always looking for more, and people who always seem to be contented & happy with their lives, with what they have. This always make me wonder, where am I along that line? Do I look for contented life, or always something more?

Actually I never thought that we can categorized people in that way.

Okay like me, I always wanted to achieve more sometimes. But at some other times I told myself "I don't want anything more, I just want to feel contented with what I have. I am tired of chasing and chasing, it's time to settle with what I have... etc".

So I know I am still at the unbalanced stage. Still looking for that point where I can say "ah, I am happy. Let's just stop now". Or maybe like I aim for something, then when I think I achieved it, then I stopped for awhile just to balance everything out, then I move up to another step.

As you can see, that is basically what everyone is doing. To move up you definitely have to have that push. and you must also feel grateful once you achieved something. and you will find that point of feeling contented.n Happiness...

But now, to categorize the extremists. Either one end or to the other. I guess theres always over achievers, and yang the more mellow people, all they want is feeling happy. As for myself, I do realized that I always want something more, and for me that's not a bad thing, right? Well, to feel contented all the time can be pretty boring. Thats how I see it. Ha, you can see now why some people become over achievers kn. ehe. But as long as I know how to accept if things didn't go as planned, I think I'm still ok.

Hurm. That seems to be the problem now. Not knowing how to accept, how to handle that kind of situation. For now I always tell myself not to care so much. Just be a lil bit ignorant. And just concentrate on things that are within my control. Not easy to do this, I wonder how some people can do it effortlessly. Well things like these take some time. I have to be patient.

Anyway, there's also a quiz in that article to categorize yourself, and from that quiz, I am in the middle. Not an over achiever, and at the same time I don't feel contented with life just yet. That sounds promising kan? Really hope I can maintain it that way.

hurm and maybe to keep this as reminder of the day:

So what if it hurts me?

So what if i break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge?

my feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I’m just trying to be happy

Leona Lewis' Happy

I'll put this up on my playlist later. Together with Latika's theme.

As of now, I am happy to see these green paddy fields from above. Its so beautiful! with the scattered rumah2 kampung, and this morning sun shining so brightly here. Ah its not raining here so thats good :D. I am glad to be back in Kedah, and to see my grandparents. I miss them so much :)

p/s: for so long I haven't been blogging. And I actually have some posts pending. Well maybe I will concentrate on one first - talking about inception. you know, that movie of the year?

December 1st.

Warning: This post may contain spoilers. Harap maklum :P

For awhile I think it's so much better to "borrow" other people's words to sum up how I feel. That's when Tumblr reblogs come in handy. But then, they're not from you. Not your words. I should start blogging again, keeping this one updated regularly.

Its summer here in Wellington. I was thinking of working part time so that I have extra cash to travel, and to buy stuff. Looked around for it, but unfortunately for now the luck is still not on my side. It's hard to get a job when you're lacking experience, and when you only want to work for a short period of time. Well, I just have to keep on trying.

So I ended up doing stuff I usually do over the holidays - watching movies, watching TV series, and wasting my time with unnecessary activities.Wasted my time, but I enjoyed it. This is the only time I have anyway, because I'll be busy next year for sure. So why not just do things I can do while I still have the time?

I think I have set a new record for myself - watched 4 different movies at the cinema in just a week. I don't remember going to the cinema so much for one week before. That happened on the week New Moon was out. So it's obvious New Moon is on the list. Other than that I watched My Sister's Keeper, 2012 and This Is It. 

So how's the most anticipated movie of the year (for me) - New Moon?

I even bought this t-shirt with Aqilah to be worn during the screening:

But it ended up only me wearing one because Aqilah couldn't find hers. I reckon she accidentaly brought back hers when she went back home during Spring Break...

Semangat kan?

Well, I think the movie wasn't so bad. I prefer the movie than the book surprisingly. Usually when the movie is based on a book, you'd prefer the book because of the details, and sometimes movies cut off or change some scenes to fit into a 2-hour show.

But for New Moon? I would prefer the movie. One reason is because of Jacob and his abs! ahah okay that's not the reason actually. For me the book is draggy, and depressing, so the movie is like cutting all those crap and make it shorter. Although it's still draggy, but it's better because it's shorter so that's good for me. Seriously, if you're not a fan, or you didn't read the book, just don't go to the cinema. Trust me, you'll find it a waste of your money. I think the fans will appreciate the movie.

Let's wait for Eclipse. They should have more actions there. hee

Well the week was well spent I guess. The movie choices were not bad for me. I like My Sister's Keeper - it's so touching, and I bet reading the book is much better than just watching the movie. Maybe I should give it a go. I think 2012 is really scary, like 10 times scarier than Sinking of Japan for me as it's the end of the world, but I was pretty disappointed with the movie because the ending is not like what I've expected. I wanted everyone to die! because you know, its THE END OF THE WORLD! but ah well. Its just a movie anyway.

What I have learnt from the movie:

1. Have 1 Billion Dollars. But to make 1 Billion Dollars are... impossible. So..
2. Get a pilot license. Or maybe marry/ be a really good friend to a pilot. If possible a hot and selfless one. Keep them to you at all time - since you don't know when is "the end of the world"
3. Own a plane for yourself. I think this is possible...
4. Consider migrating to China.
5. Be selfish. If you are selfless you are definitely going to die.

I know in reality, when the end of the world comes, you know you won't survive. Nauzubillah, I should pray to God that I won't be around during the end of the world... Aminn. But maybe the list above should be useful is one of the big disasters happened. Haha.

Out of the 4 movies watched that week, This is It is the best!

I was in awe the whole time. If this show still on, I think I would pay any amount just to go and catch this show. It's just phenomenal. It is another whole new level of concert experience. You can see how hard MJ worked for this. For a fifty year old to be doing basically everything is just wow! Especially the choreography part. I don't know whether I can even dance with full energy when I turn 50. I think the non-fans can also appreciate this movie. Cuz I am not really a huge fan anyway, I mean I am not those who can sing all of his songs, and I am not someone who remember all the dance moves, or try dressing up like him, or learn the moonwalk. I just grew up listening to his songs, can sing some of his songs and stuff. And yet I love the movie. It's worth it. This one is on my top-10 movies of the year definitely.

I think I would love to experience pop concerts. Like Britney Spears'. That should be different than the concerts that I have been to.

But up until today, I haven't watch any new movies at the cinema. Yesterday we took the booklet for the vouchers, so maybe soon we will pay a visit to the cinema. For now I want to watch Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (I don't know whether this one is still in cinemas or not...), and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I can't remember other movies that I want to watch for now. Oh, the movie The Lovely Bones, or Time Traveller's Wife should be nice too.

Yeah but for now, let's just watch movies and series at home. I think 4 movies in a week is like too much. Maybe I can go to the cinema next week. ehe.

Time to go. Probably I'll continue blogging later. I need to surf the internet at the uni. Ours is on dial-up so it's super slow...

later!