Be vulnerable. Allow yourself to feel, to be open and authentic. Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around you and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad. This is real life. This is how you welcome new opportunities.

I just turned 24 a week ago.

So what's my wish for myself this year?

I wish that I one day I am able to deal with my own feelings. To be able to control my emotions, and express my feelings clearly.

I know I said earlier that I am progressing. But I know I am not really there yet. Hence the aim.
You see, how I express myself is mostly through my actions. Funny, because I talk a lot! but when it comes to all of these? I become dumbfounded. I shut down. I can't even explain myself.

It'll end with communication break downs.

Even worse, sometimes yes I use words, but they're just like layers to hide how I really feel.  This was at first a defense mechanism that I somehow created, and after that, I just can't take it off of me.

So it is safe to say that, most of the times people think they get me? But they actually don't. But I can't explain myself so I will end up getting angry at myself for not being able to tell them how I really feel.

Although yes, actions speaks louder than words. But they won't be as loud if they were not supported by words. If you get what I mean. They still can be misinterpreted as they're vague.

Often I miss out so many chances and opportunities because of this too.

Sometimes I wonder why is it so difficult for me to be in touch with this part of myself. What am I really afraid of? Maybe first I have to find the root of all these problems. And try to find solutions from there.

Slowly I can do this. Because this time? I am tired of being misjudged just because I blew up and make it seem like I'm overreacting. Or tired with the fact that I can't even stand up for myself . I am tired of not being able to confront people.

And especially I am tired of loving someone secretly, which I can only express a little bit that its almost seem like I don't even care or I took them for granted. I am tired of wishing and hoping that one day, him/her will see all of it through the things I do or how I reacted to them. Cuz let's face it, they won't. Even if they do, they will still question my actions as they are still open to interpretation, and pretty much confusing.

Our days are numbered. I don't want to be left behind having the regret of not telling people how much I love them. And I don't want to leave the world with this kind of secret, you know?

So yeah.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

First, it was the best birthday gift.

Now, it's the best birthday cake. 

 I must say, this is THE BEST DURIAN PANCAKE. EVER!

They keep me smiling, in my heart. Always.

Thank you.  

And hope I'm doing the same to you all :)

If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy.

Currently listening to Adam Lambert's If I Had You 

More fireworks. 

So my birthday + F1 weekend has ended. Well it was simple, I didn't celebrate my birthday actually but I'll just consider it as one special weekend. Definitely was fun and there's fireworks! Been blabbing about how I can never get enough of it over and over in this blog, so yes, I am beyond happy to see them! But it kinda made me miss Wellington & its Guy Fawkes night though. 

Anyhoo, I am grateful for everything. Thank you family and friends for your time, especially Nana for F1 experience you've given me :) Alhamdulillah. 

Now back to work. 

Maybe, maybe, maybe, you'll find something that's enough to keep you, But if the bright lights don't receive you, You should turn yourself around and come on home

Currently listening to Matchbox 20's Bright Lights

This is a few days before I turn twenty three

I am hoping to keep that smile for as long as I can. Let's aim for one year. At least.

No matter what happens, good or bad, I'm gonna remember that once I smiled like that. No matter what happens, I am still happy. I can still put on that smile on my face.

So, Happy 23rd Birthday to me :)

I realized my birthday this year falls on a Tuesday. I was born on a Tuesday.
And I have been twittering for exactly 2 years now. Happy 2nd Tweeniversary to me!

The countless wishes from everyone - meaningful phone calls (came even from my busy friend in Indonesia, thanks man) the emails from colleagues, the tweets, the txts, whats apps msgs and FB wishes!  This, and this:

Haha. Really made my day! 

Alhamdulillah it is a good start. 

Losing my breath in waves, Knowing that every crash, is bleeding the hour glass.

Currently listening to Matchbox 20's These Hard Times

Okay I owe myself a few completed posts. I was exhausted for the past few days that I fell asleep right after dinner, and didn't wake up til morning. So yes there'll be some random backdated posts coming up :P You'll be confused and not knowing which comes first and which one comes in later. Well I have drafted stuff too. So yeh.

Just realized Shaz's posted some new photos on FB. And I love love love this one:

lol how cool do I look?

Anyway it's birthday season now. I just got back from the bitches night out celebrating Nonie's 25th. 

And on the way to meet them I sort of decided on a new theme for my April's playlist. Since its my special month, I'm gonna go back 10 years, and pick 1 or 2 songs for each year. 2001 - 2011. 

I can call them the soundtrack of my life. It doesn't have to be something that reflected any significant event in my life. It could also be the current fave song in that year. 

So let's get started.

But I'll kiss my lips and I'll blow it to you, It'll be the last thing that I ever do, And wherever you go and whatever you do, There's a man underground that will always love you

Currently on repeat: Noah and The Whale's Second Lover

This was 2006. Nonie was 20. 

And today she turns 25. How time flies =) 

Happy Birthday babe!

So yesterday Anne and friends threw Daz a surprise bowling birthday party. Well, I was surprised too when the bowling place played a super corny birthday song - didn't really remember the lyrics but I can tell you, it's the most corny birthday song I've ever heard my whole 22 years of life. 

However the party was fun. It was really good to be seeing some faces that I haven't seen for months, and yes, to show to the world how I suck at bowling. I seldom bowl - it's like a once in a blue moon thing. If I'm not mistaken this is my fourth, or my fifth time and by far, this is the worse game I ever had. 

Well whatever it is, definitely I'll be getting a lunch treat from Ahmal for just... suck-ing at bowling? 

Anyhoo. Dazriq, Happy 24th Birthday to you in advance ;)

And let me wish twothree of my favorite people in my life on their (belated) birthdays too:

Ibu, Happy 59th Birthday!

I love you always. And can't wait to see you next week XD

Happy 23rd Birthday Ain!
Recently I keep on thinking about Malacca. Hehe. I plan to bring my polaroid there nanti btw ;) Geez I miss you!

And Happy 23rd Birthday Mika!

Just hoping to see you anytime soon, and probably try to talk less about work LOL.

Have an awesome year ahead folks!

Well I've wished them personally before hand, so we're cool B-)

p/s: I missed out Ain - well, I forgot her birthday was a day before my mom! Whoops! Sorry babeee. 

Happy 23rd Nurnifa =)

Or should I say HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to you. This was on draft for weeks just because I couldn't get the picture edited nicely. Finally found a way hee.

Anyway Nonie, I wanted to post this up on your photo album in fb but I don't know how. So I made a post instead. hehe.

Hope you like this picture Nonie =) Miss you!

p/s: actually this post was entitled Happy 22nd Nurnifa. Nonie, I thought you were 22 although I know you're 23. Probably because you're still young to me :P sorry babe!

Belated

Dear Brother Hitam,

Happy 23rd Birthday!
(31st July)
Moga2 berat you cepat turun:p ha ha ha!
oh & cepat2 cari kerja. Then you can belanja me ;)

Love,
Adik Comel :P

I just realized that I haven't bought his present *sigh* asked him what he wants but the answer will always be the same: I don't know. sheesh.

So I drew him this:

Let's Blame him alrite. He started this first and he made me hooked to it.

S.M.I.L.E

It's so hard to get a picture of her smiling, not blur and without the eyes closed.

However I find this is one of your best pictures! Just... PERFECT :)

To Miss Semua-orang-suka-kacau, Little Miss Giggles, My dearest housemate Qiqi Lala,

Happy 22nd Birthday :D
Hope this will make you smile til the end of the week!

Love,
FM

p/s: be ready babe, tomorrow is NOT a day off! habis laa kena kacau lagiii :P

The Birthday Brunch or The Wild Brunch? he he

the looks of their faces are priceless. I'm happy that they're happy!

Haz turned 20 today :D

and QL will be turning 22 soon :D

we're all full & happy!

So the weekend-fun continues with the birthday brunch for our dear friends Haz & Qiqi. Well Haz was the one who requested for a brunch on her birthday since Sunday was one of the double-mussle days. And I think it'd be a good idea if we just celebrate her birthday during the brunch & since miss Qiqi's birthday is just 2 days away, we just combine both celebrations together.

I don't know whether Haz was aware that there's a cake coming. But I'm sure Qilah was surprised just now. The look on her face just... priceless. Never seen her as happy as just now!

It was raining the whole morning but that doesn't bring our moods down. In fact, Nonie was a bit high XD. And we decided to dress up. It was a bit weird cuz we usually will go casual (especially during brunch) and like me, I was usually in my tee+jeans whenever we had brunch with my family friends. But who cares, it was a special occasion :)

Indeed, it was really fun. Feel like doing it again. and the mussles were... as usual... NICE!!! love em :D

So yeah that's the end of the fun weekend. Now its already 9:30pm (tak sedar pon) and I am still lazily browsing thru the net.

And my workshop presentation is just 2 (freaking) days away je.

God its already Week 4. And I still think I haven't pick up my pace :(

A Simple Shout Out to...

Dear Haz,

Happy 20th Birthday babe!
Yeay you're 20 now! sama with me :D

Love,
FM

The Goodbyes & Hellos

#1 : It was Goodbye Deli, Goodbye Zul.

They went back for good. Well, hopefully it is not Goodbye forever. I really hope we're gonna bumped into each other again. They're great people to be around with. Fun people. We had a mini makan2 for them and we sent Deli to the airport.

Deli went back on Saturday. While Zul just left on Monday morning. Too bad most of us have classes that morning so we cudn't send him off.

Maybe some people might find our Goodbyes to Deli was a bit weird. Usually we'll see sad faces saying goodbyes. But not us. We do feel sad. But apparently we spend more time laughing and joking then feeling all emotional and sad.

One fact about me: Everytime when I want to say Goodbye, it seems that I can't show my emotions...how I really feel... cuz I'll ended up making jokes, and laugh. It happened every time I am sending someone to the airport. Or when I am leaving on the jet plane.

I remembered, the first time I am leaving to NZ, it was Juju who felt sad. But I was laughing all the way, joking with my bros. We acted sad tho.

Even when I am leaving my internship. I kept on joking. We all laughed away. Til I left the office...

I feel weird. This was supposed to be a sad occasion.

...I am so bad in expressing myself *sigh* :(

Anyway... to Deli & Zul, I wish you both all the best in your future undertakings. Keep in touch and do take care!

one of our last pics together. See... even the color of my tshirt is too ceria for this occasion. aha.

#2: It was Goodbye the 21-year old Palie, and Hello the 22-year old Palie!

The salesman's birthday? hehe

On his birthday itself, we brought Palie out to have dinner together. The celebration was simple, yet fun. The celebration took place at Harem's Cafe. New Place. New Ambience. Nice food. Great people. The cake was yummy :) And after the dinner we went to TimeZone to take this sticker photo together: So sad Haz & Nadiah went back early as Haz wasn't feeling well (sian die sobsob) and Nadiah has works to do (bz woman!). Nonie & Deli went back early too as Deli has to do the last minute packing.

After that, we walked to Courtenay Place as we would like to try n rent PS2 from Civic Video/United Video. But apparently all consoles were rented out that night:(

As we're on the way back home we passed by a group of girls dancing in front of Starbucks. So we stopped by and got mesmerized by their moves. Hot I tell you.

A fun night :)

More pictures:

alright... whats up ladies?

bajet comel la ni :P

feeling feeling comel with Vivy

#3 and it was hello Saturday Night, hello new crowd, and hello SingStar :)

The night I lost my voice. But only for awhile.. hehe.

I was a night with great company, nice food, and fun games. I actually spend the whole night playing SingStar. The game where you don't have to have a nice voice to win. You just have to sing according to the tone. You can even sing just "la la la". No need to sing it using right words. Haha.

Had a battle with another team of four guys; the dudes (Theres Palie, Daz, Fifiey & Yusuf). While we the dudettes (myself, Nana, Hazel, Ili, and Aio who joined us at first as we don't have enuff girls to join. Nana was busy playing Risk at that time) nailed the 2 battles. Puas ati. Well the battles for me was quite hard as I usually will get the song that I don't know. ahha.

Thanks to great team work, and of course, great skills (hehe nak gakk) & these dudettes know a lot of songs B) !!

These are from Ili. There's more pics but I have to get it from Hazel.

So there you go. The Goodbyes & Hellos. All ended with Happy Endings. How I wished the weekend is not over yet. *sigh* Its okay I shall wait for the next weekend. More activities to come!

Now we're in our 3rd week of school. And I'm finally picking up the pace. But still... slow... :(

Happy Birthday!

Mr Fadzli Rosli,
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY!!
Hope you'll have a great one this year.
=)

well today is not just Palie's birthday.

Miss Nad Fackeer & Miss Liza Adinan,
Happy Birthday Babes!

Ramai gile birthday hari ni! May Allah Bless all of you, and may you have another great year ahead!

The day I turned 20.

Well, they ajak-ed me to celebrate my birthday. I honestly didn't really think about it, cuz I know some of us have a test on Monday. So I thought maybe I can wait til the other weekend (which is this weekend) then I can ajak them out for a dinner. They insisted to celebrate it on my birthday. So I agreed to go out on Saturday night.

So in the morning, Palie treated me a birthday breakfast. The bestfriends ritual thing for him. Well, he didn't get to do it for Nonie cuz we all had to go to the civic square on her birthday. Oh and I haven't talked about Nonie's celebration right? Anyway, we walked around town til 2pm (he insisted to make me stay with him for a few hours. he gave so many reasons why I should stay and hang around in the city... hahaha). And we got home this is what I see in front of the door...

and another door inside says...

and yes. There they are. They welcomed me with a special birthday song...

They planned this (with Nonie as the kepala) for me. Its a small celebration and yet very nice. I just love the surprises! Well I do expect they're going to do something for me. Prolly during the dinner. But I was wrong. Its earlier than I expected.

Anyway here are more pics...

cute wig kan? I'm supposed to be the barbarian queen I guess. ha ha ha ha!

My mini zoo. And its Tiramisu! Thank you Fazuin!!! I love youu!the girls who came. and the boys :)the housemates. love you guys!!! muahx2the presents. The magnet frame from Abang Rudy, the small picture wallet from my darling Ila, the clutch from the bitches and friends, and the cute teddy from Mika and 'Izzati. Well, I don't fancy teddy bears. But not this one. Its musical and its Super Cute!!!!!! oh the hand made card that has many names innit. Its made by Nonie. Love it! TQ!

I can't stop smiling the whole day! Although that day I was quite sad cuz I knew they have Actorlympics back in Malaysia on my birthday and I can't watch em. Adam went. Ah jealous! I miss Actorlympics!!

To u guys (especially Nonie), Thank you for the super fun celebration. Love you guys to bits. Oh and Palie, so sorry I complained too much when you didn't let me to go back home early. and thanks for your time. haha. To those who came, thank you so much!

So yeah thats about it... a day to be remembered. Highlight for the year. Now I am 20 years old already. No more -teen at the back! wahhh! Honestly I am a bit scared... (one more year to go to legally enter the adulthood... hahaha) but yeah age is just a number kan?? he he he.

Ah I have to sleep now. I have to kemas my room and go out to the city to buy sum stuffs. Good night everyone!

p/s: to alfie... do you realize the actorlympics we went was the "superheroes" time off? ha ha ha.