Amie, come sit on my wall. Read me the story of O

Currently listening to Damien Rice's Amie

 So they turned 27 yesterday

I realised lately they love to give me advices on love. Also hints on "ey when are you getting a boyfriend huh?". LOL. I get that a lot, from them, brothers, my friends, my parents' friends, neighbors... Even my grandma was like

"Hang bila nak kawen?"

"Tunggu Atok, boipren pon kami tak daq lagi.."

"Hang jangan lupa cari boipren na?"

"...ok :)"

But one of the things I am thankful for is that, they never push me when it comes to this. Maybe mom is trying out new way of hinting - reverse psychology. Like "I think your sister just decided not to marry anyone. Dia nak jadi andartu kot" or "Firdaus, you're gonna have to take care of her. I don't think she's gonna marry anybody" LOL. Still, no pressure. They kept on reminding me that things like these need time. 

Even when I told them that I don't mind match making, or meeting one person and go straight to marriage (mind you! in a joking way okay? :P), my mom will be "NOOO! YOU HAVE TO GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST OKAY?? OKAYY???"

I never really jott down the stuff they told me. Well, I am pretty sure at the back of my mind they're there. Malas nak recall je :P HAHA. One of them is up there. On being friends, really get to know a person before deciding to settle down with the particular person.

Okay la. Here's some

1. Find someone who loves you more than you love him. When you choose someone you love more, the chances are, you'll end up unhappy. 

2. Beauty isn't everything. It'll fade over time. Personality is what you need.. 

3. If he kept on delaying on marrying you, he's more likely to call it off. One thing about men, they're certain when it comes to this. 

4. Don't be so rash into settling down. Marriage is a huugee thing. Often those who decide fast didn't last so long. 

Okayla I can only think of 4 at the moment. Eh, 5 to include the one above. And these are the simple ones, the ones you hear from everyone everywhere, but somehow you remember it more if it comes from your parents. And plus they said the above over and over again. LOL. 

Anyway,

For me, 27 is long. I can't even imagine if I can stand a person for 27 years! LOL okay. Actually it should be this... I can't even imagine if someone can stand me for 27 years! haha. That's more like it. 

And one thing for sure. That I learn something from them and their love story. And I will always remember..

"What ever happens, good or especially, bad, we'll remind each other of the hardship that we have to go through to be together. We've gone through so much, why should we put em all to waste?"

And, something that they didn't say or mention, but I picked up from their stories. I'll remember it too :

Fight for it, if you truly believe he/she is the one for you. Fight for love. 

Well, being in love is a battlefield, no? You have to fight for the crown to be his/hers, and keep on fighting to make sure no other people or situation can take that away from you.

27 years. And they look like the young people in love. Minus the mushy part though. I'd prefer them not to be too PDA-ish in front of us. duh.

I want that you know. After so long, you can feel the love so strong between them. Like they just started to be in love or something. How they have proven most people that they're wrong. Their love is real. And its truly, love.

I love them both so much, and I pray to God that this will last forever. And hope they stay true to their love til the end. Amin. 

Cuz you'll never know what's gonna happen in the future kan. Nauzubillah.

So to you, my dear parents, 

Happy 27th Anniversary

Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna. Agar dapat ku lalui dengan sempurna.

Currently listening to Raihan's Harapan Ramadhan (feat Manbai)


Every year, when Ramadhan comes, my hope will only be that; the lyrics up there.

Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna. Agar dapat ku lalui dengan sempurna. 

I hope for a meaningful Ramadhan. So I can go through it perfectly.

Well all am asking for is one meaningful Ramadhan. This time around, I asked myself this, it has been a year, since last year's Ramadhan. So what have you change about yourself? Have you become a better person?

Truthfully, I can say that I don't know. 

How sad. I feel the change to the better. But not completely. At the same time I know how broken I've become, especially in bringing myself closer to Him. 

So this time around? My hope is still the same; but I'll dig deeper. To get to the whole meaning of it.

Lets hope for the best! 

Salam Ramadhan to everyone :)

"So what if I buy you a sewing machine?"

 "OMG. Tempting! But I don't know if I have the time. I wish I have. Maybe one day I will"

I keep on thinking about this since then. Maybe I should start saving money for it. Not maybe. This is it.

But whatever it is, I think she knows me really well.

Just let us start it over again...

Currently on repeat: Muse's Exogenesis Symphony Part 3 (Redemption)

Its raining outside. And I am hoping that it's going to rain all night. Because I am pretty much burned, and right now somehow I feel like trying to make an excuse not to go to work. I just wanna go somewhere, alone, and take time to absorb everything that has been happening to me for the past 5 months.

I am like a laptop that has not been turned off for months. Slow processing and overheated. I need to reboot. Maybe I should "jump-start" myself. But how? Its either I have to push myself to the edge, find a life-and-death situation for example to make me realize that I must stick with my path, or I must find the calmness in me so that I can think with a very clear mind.

Okay accidents are..nauzubillah..out of question. I am talking something like cliff diving, or sky diving.

haha merapu. I don't remember myself feeling alarmed, or refreshed about life after the bungy jump. I knew I want to do it again cuz its fun. and it's freaking awesome to be falling off. The adrenaline rush.

That left me with the latter.

But,

since there's no way out for tomorrow (how can I escape now?), let's just take time to relax for a bit. Hey, the brave don't run remember? So let's listen to this song, over and over, and don't really care much about the other things surrounding me except for the rain, and this song, and this space to express whatever I feel like expressing. I am pretending that I am all alone, and not in this area. Instead, I am at the back of my room, facing the green field, that I can imagine to be a huge lake, or a sea.

Ah, nice :)

I never thought that I'd find that the sea, the lake, or anything with wide space & water calming. I know I love fields. Green fields. I think.

Eh. Have I ever think of anything like that before?

To say that I love the jungle also may not be accurate. Actually I do, but I always associate the jungle with adventures, that's the adrenaline junkie side of me speaking. But I am also paranoid, so I know I won't be that calm in there. I love the nature's symphony though. Well, who doesn't? Before, I don't appreciate fishes. I cannot understand why people love observing them. But now, whenever I feel so messed up, I'll walk out, and try to sit in the middle of our Koi pond (there's a space there). And just observe them, then I'll feel the calmness.

But I won't be there for long, cuz after awhile I remembered frogs, snakes (possibly they're there too) and lizards.

... okay I just realized that I don't really have a place for me to find calmness. My room is one place I know, especially when it rains, or the weather is superb so when I opened the windows I feel good. But that depends on the weather, and the tidy-ness of the room. Problem for a messy person like me.

The room in Wellington is also another place. Given that the weather in Wellington is always cooling, so it's always perfect. Ala, of course we'll find calmness in a place that we think its safest for us - our room.

Okay, outside. Where?

I think I used to have one - The Botanical Garden. I like sitting there for a few hours just to clear up my mind. I have my own spot. I know there's no way a snake can sneak up and surprise me there. So maybe that's why I can feel calm.

this is also one example :)

Maybe I should find one here. and now the word 'should' MUST not always be used. I have to use the word MUST.

MUST get things done on time. MUST do it (ehe macam bag Niki) right, MUST give the best shot. MUST find that place. MUST stop this stupid depressing cycle. MUST stop complaining.

MUST. MUST. MUST.

and I must teach myself to be more disciplined. That is definitely what has been lacking.

Okay, I am still not bored of this song. Muse is the one of the best ever. Currently this song reflects how I'm feeling. Along with Endlessly. Haih I am such an emo girl.

This is random, but do you know that I once dreamt about them? This is during the time BDO coming up. I was so hyped up cuz they're gonna be there, up to the point I dreamt that I missed the show. It was like, I went to this 2-day music festival, and Muse is going to perform on the second day (they're the main highlight of the fest, so obviously they're gonna go last). But after the first day, I slept, and when I woke up I realized that I missed them, cuz I woke up 10 years later after that! It's like I travelled through time. I didn't even care to notice on how much everything have changed, or whether I am successful etc. I care more on how come I can miss Muse. In fact, I was really furious and frustrated.

That is how much I love them. LOL.

Okay, enough with ramblings. I should continue doing my work.

Switch to "Reality Mode".

She makes me think of lightning in skies.

Don't you think this is freaking cute? It's always been a dream of mine to have it as a pet! Especially during college year, I blogged about it a few times already.. hehe. But I don't have money, nor time to be with it. Plus its quite hard to find actually. This kid needs quite a lot of attention from the owner. If possible, you have to be with it almost 24/7 - must carry it around (have a pouch to carry it so it can stay close to you all the time), but I think the food is not that expensive. Probably just like what you feed to the hamsters. I am not too sure actually.. I read about it before but since I know its quite impossible for me to get it, I kind of forget about this whole craze to have a sugar glider.

... until yesterday. I passed by a pet shop and actually saw this one cage with a hanging coconut shell which has a hole with something in it. My bros were curious so they were like "let's call this thing out". We were calling and calling and then... when the small cute thing turn around I was like "aaaa I want thisssss!!".

Its RM370. I think I would come up with the money, well hell yeah I'd love to have one. But the problem is now the time I can spend with it. Now I can't even give a lot of attention to Clarice, the attention seeking cat. And wouldn't it be weird if I bring this little fella to the office?

Suddenly I wish I am not working at the office.

... Goodbye again, cute little thing. I hope it is just for now.