Are you lost or incomplete? Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece? Tell me how do you feel?

Currently listening to Coldplay's Talk

I am a broken record. I know. But I am still posting this. 

You know, as you grow older, what you want is simple - to appreciate life. You want to smile more than you frown. To laugh more than you cry. To see every good thing in everyone and in everything. To talk about more happy stuff rather than complaining all the time. To be doing something you love. To feel that satisfaction you've been imagining since you were small. To have more certainties about the future. To have less drama in life. To feel contented. To tick off those stuff on your bucket list.

But as I grow older. I don't know if I smile more. I know that I cry a lot. I feel that everything is damaging myself; my self-confidence, self-worth. I complain more. I know I am not doing what I love. I seldom feel satisfied. I created more dramas in my life. And yes, I don't know if I ticked-off anything on my bucket list. Wait, do I even have one? Okay. 

I see everything is a bitch;

Life is a bitch. 

Timing is a bitch. 

Reality is a bitch. 

Cupid is a bitch. 

I am a bitch.

You are a bitch.

I can see every aspect of my life is ripping apart, one by one. 

I don't feel like I have been appreciated. 

I don't feel like I have been treating people the way they should be treated. 

I don't feel like I have given my best in doing my responsibilities. 

I suppressed my feelings more. 

I feel hurt. I hurt people. 

I've been stupid.

I am not constantly reminded. Although I do put up some self-reminders for myself. Brain just refused to sink them I guess. I forget a lot too. 

This year, I took a detour. I concentrated only on one aspect of my life, and somehow the rest all were left behind.. and that's how everything fall apart.. I think. Or maybe the 'effects' from my past decisions just starting to pull me back too. I need to really think about this through and through. 

I wish I know how to deal with all these. Been telling myself to take it slow. But everything else is moving too fast so yeah. I'm stuck. 

I know I really need to act fast. To change things is a bit too late, so I really have to find ways to make do. To make things easier for me, before I took that drastic move. 

But first, I need to learn to love myself. I need to bring out the sunshine in me.