Continuing from the breakfast talk with family.

There's a series of talks, or just some alone-time thinking, that summed up whatever I am going to blog about now. 

Yes, once before, I shared one conversation with one of my dearest friends, that she said this 

"I don't know. I just cannot see myself in like... you know... around 2013?"

- I rephrased it :P Hello, I can't remember her exact words!

Anyway. To be honest, that was the first time I heard someone said that. And it got me into thinking at that time, where do I see myself then? Until when, what year I can see myself? How far is it from now? 

I am not too sure of what got me confused; the fact that I don't know the answer myself, or the fact that I never thought asking myself that particular question before. 

To go back several years back, back in schooling-I-am-very-ambitious days. Well, I do have a plan. Like I laid out my path clearly. Where do I wanna be, where am I going to work at, as what, what car I'll be driving, what kind of house am I going to be living in, with who, etc.

Okay it wasn't that detail. Although, it does sounded like.. it is. 

Of course, through out the years, those 'details' change. Like I know now I don't wanna be living in an apartment because I want a lawn or a backyard, and I don't think I can afford a mini cooper by the time I'm 30. Oh one more thing, being someone's wife is a part of my plan now. Haha I know, for shame! Why? Because initially I somehow forgot to put that in! okay malu. 

But yeah. I do have a plan. But still, that doesn't mean I can put "up to what year I can see myself". If you get what I mean. I never plan that far I guess. 

And to be honest, quite a lot of things in that 'imaginary list' (or do I write it down somewhere? hurm.. gotta look for it) changed, or changing, or in consideration to be changed. Hence why I actually need to sit down and 'update & amend' that plan. 

Come to think of it, maybe a time traveler, or a psychic who can see themselves far away to the future. Ambitious ones, they have a plan, they can see themselves far. Quite a visionary yes, but still everything is a blur. For me to tell myself I can see it is... scary. Don't you think so? What if it won't go as planned? 

 I know. Focus on the present. Dream of the future. 

I guess everyone gets scared. Those who can only see themselves in a shorter distance, should think of it this way - well. There's always a fun way to paint a blank canvas. Yes? Don't worry if you can't see it now, cuz slowly you'll see it. Clearer than those who have planned. And sometimes it is even better to surprise yourself. Cuz when you realize there is so much to change from the old plan, that's when you get terrified. 

And from our breakfast talk, Ibu said this

"Well for me, I keep on praying so Allah will let me raise you all. Until you're big enough, then He is free to take me."

And she always reminded us that we can pray for longevity, because by then we can devote ourselves more to Him. 

Well then. I like what she said. Something I keep on reminding myself. Whatever it is, always fear that you may not have enough time to repent, and to set things right and to appreciate life as how you should. 

There's more to this whole one week thoughts. But its becoming more private than this that I shall just keep them to myself. Heh.