Expectations.

Surprises come when you least expecting it.

To have expectation on everything is good. Expectations can help you to excel. They are more like setting your goals and trying to reach 'em. They are like a plan. But not all good.

But to expect may ruin the surprises.

One thing about me is that, I expect too much. On life, on friends, on family, on studies, on everything. Because of that I get stressful easily. That is one thing that I don't quite understand about myself; why expect too much when you can't even handle them? Why can't I just let it all happen, and accept whatever that comes?

I know somehow you can't just let the whole life to go on without you controlling it. Life is all about setting up goals, pray to God so that He will help us in achieving goals and leave em all to fate when you have worked the hardest for the goals. So to have the control on your own life, to set up goals, first we need to have the expectations.

But I have to keep it moderate. Or else, when things failed, you ended up thinking you suck. Your life sucks. And you started to blame on the situation. On the plan you have. How sad. How pathetic.

Still, I wonder why I expect too much. I tried not to, but just can't help it. Every day without fail, I will tell myself not to expect what I am going to go through the whole day. Just do the things you have planned for yourself and just leave the rest to God. Go with the flow. I am sure with that you'll end the day with a smile.

For small matters, yes I can do that. But not for the big ones.

Several events happened around me that made me think about this topic. Let me just list two of them; one was the movie I watched just now - If Only. Reason why I watched it because I am pretty curious; will I cry watching this movie? Well apart from good recommendation from my dear housemate Aqilah of course. The movie is really sad & depressing, but I can't even shed a tear. Not a single tear. Maybe its because I told myself not to cry. Like you know, I am prepared not to cry. But I believe if the movie can make me cry, then it will. You can't just help it but to cry. So yeah. Its not because of me telling myself. I just can't.

In that movie, the girl expect too much. That the boyfriend is going to surprise her with a ticket to USA. That she will have the best dinner after her graduation. That the boyfriend would remember that that night is the concert. That the boyfriend would say "I love you" to her. But things didn't turn out to be the way she expect them to be. She got upset.Very upset about the boyfriend.

Another event is our 'Bo Gey Gey trip'. Oh I just got back from a two-day snow boarding trip. I shall post another entry about it. I thought things may turn out to be like how I pictured them to be. Its not a good picture by the way. So I told myself not to think about it. The aim is to have fun so try to make the best out of the whole trip. And indeed, I can't just stop reminiscing about the whole trip. Its 2 days but I feel like its longer. Well not 'longer' in a bad way. It feels like Allah gave me more time to have fun. Because the trip is eventful, we sleep less, and we had fun. I don't mind doing them again. And again.

There are many things that happened this year and they turn out to be not so good. And this most recent trip I had somehow heals the pain I have inside. I feel better. It gave me hope that maybe things will get better.

I am counting on it. Oh I shouldn't. I can't. It may disappoint me. Haha.

So yeah. I am still trying. But then again. there are times where I just can't help myself.

To keep it low is a step that I can take. Yeah let's hope I can do it. I can stop expecting too much. Have a lower (but not too low) expectation on everything.

So that I won't get hurt. Not anymore. I had enough.